Oh my god, I'm going to be friends with a gas celebrity.

Jess

Jess: I just want to say I'm honored you're trusting me.
Schmidt: Oh, I'm not.

Jess: Sometimes I think I was bred in a lab to help people.
Winston: You know what else they bred in a lab? Pugs.

Welcome to hell, Miller!

Winston

She lulled me to sleep and then she went rouge.

Schmidt

You know what would be nice? A wedding invitation engraved on a plate. What a magical wedding that would be.

Winston

Everbody has been flashed countless times, right?

Nick

It's not gonna end well for these two.

Nick

Like I always say, don't call me Becky unless you're riding me like a horse.

Becky

I do all her work and she does all the working of her cleavage.

Jess

Winston: Would you consider us adorable?
Nick: No, we're adult men. We're cute.

It's not mine. I only buy local except for clothing and produce, medication, water, seasoning, meat.

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

You know what they call Seattle in Portland? North Portland. Or Vancouver's shoe.

Jess

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick