Jess: I just need you to not do that thing you do.
Nick: What thing? I don't do a thing.
Jess: Yes, you get all mean and you make that little turtle face!

Jess: No! He's here early, how do I look?
Schmidt: It's better if you don't know.

Schmidt: I wanna let you know up front that I have some control issues in the kitchen. So if I'm gonna do this, I'm cooking the whole meal. I don't want you touching anything. And I don't want to hear Schmidt, Schmidt, you're using too much tarragon.
Jess: You will never hear that from me!

Schmidt: Here's another tip, don't ask a guy out on a first date, on the least sexy holiday in America.
Jess: What are the sexiest holidays in America?
Schmidt: The most sexy holidays are the 4th of July, Independence day obviously. Women's history month, and Christmas.

Are we gonna be able to hang with Paul, or is he also a teacher?

Winston

Schmidt: It's our thing, Jess. Dudesgiving.
Nick: Okay no matter how many emails you send, that's not real.
Schmidt: It's real, man!
Nick: It's not real! We're not calling it that.

Nick: We're just gonna watch football, drink beer, and then we're going to Best Buy later for Black Friday.
Winston: Or as I like to call it, Friday.

Jess: What you doing for Thanksgiving?
Paul: Well I always spend it with my Grandmother, but -
Jess: That's so nice!
Paul: She just died.

Oh my God, there's two of them!

Nick

Well I can blanch or I can talk but I can't do both!

Schmidt

You tell anyone we held hands, I have 2 people in my phone who will kill you.

Cece

Cece's really vulnerable right now. When she's drunk, she has no boundaries. She's really grabby, really physical, she's really loose with her body. So I just wanna apologize in advance for anything she might do.

Jess

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I don't know the words!

Jess