Nick: Has Jess not talked to you?
Paul: Oh yea, we've talked.
Nick: It's hard, it's really tricky. It's like, she's doesn't love you right, Paul that's not to say she might not fall in love with you later.
Paul. We talked about how we might have to drive you to the airport cause you're gonna miss your flight.
Nick: Yea, that's probably all you talked about so I'm joking.

Paul: No it's great I love it! It's funny, and quirky and so sweet. It's like you. And that's why I love it. I love it! Thank you. I love it...I love you.
Jess: ...Thank you...
Paul: ...You're welcome.
Jess: No, you're welcome.

Schmidt: I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you the whole time and have made to reference to the fact that you are basically naked.
Cece: Very proud of you Schmidt.

Jess: My initial thought was to get him a gift certificate for piping hot sex. But I don't want him to think I'm using him for his body.
Nick: Oh, I'm sure he'd be ok with that.

Schmidt: Marry Christmas, Brendan, don't swallow these. Love, Uncle Nick?
Nick: It's a great gift. He's a twelve-year old kid. He's gonna love them.

I can't believe Jess got me roller-blades for Christmas. I feel so freeee!

Winston

Alvin: The man with no shirt killed Santa.
Winston: Oh, you mean Schmidt? He was just dressing up like Santa.
Alvin: Then why isn't he wearing a shirt?
Winston: You know, we ask ourselves that question every single day.
Alvin: Is it because he's a d-bag? Mommy says he's a d-bag.

Schmidt: Kim, I'm not a sex object. All right, I'm your employee. I work harder than anyone. I'm the first one to show up every morning.
Kim: No you're not.
Schmidt: There's never a parking space.
Kim: That's because everybody's already here, Schmidt.

I have a really bad case of Santa Lap. The entire marketing department is wearing wool. It's not good down there.

Schmidt

Cece: Remember when Christmas used to be fun, and all I had to do was worrying about my drunk uncle asking me out again?
Jess: Yes, Uncle Pardip! He thought I was a boy

Schmidt: I brought you a gift. I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you this whole time and made no reference of the fact that you are basically naked. ... I found this place on 3rd Street where you can design your own perfume: Base notes of cocoa because of your brown...ness, sea salt because it kind of sounds like "Cece," and sandalwood - Sandalwood, always up to no good!

Schmidt [to Cece, in a bikini]: Hey, you look awesome.
Cece: It's a Before-and-After for a Bolivian diet pill.
Schmidt: Elgatrax? Yeah, I've taken that.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach