Jess: Nick put on some pants or at least some really high socks.
Nick: Really high socks it is then!

Sarah: Do you and my Dad ever dry-lump?
Jess: Uhhh..
Sarah: Have you ever done a 99?
Jess: I think that's a tax form?
Sarah: Have you ever given anyone a plow job?
Jess: I don't know....do you want to learn how to play Bridge?

Nick is so, so, so hot! I want to rub my face on his face!

Sarah

Schmidt: CeCe, are you pregnant?
CeCe: I don't know. We have to wait for the test results, but I'm late.
Schmidt: We made a caramel miracle!

An Indian-Jewish baby? Who wouldn't want that? Think about the bone structure!

Schmidt

Sorry. I've never heard you talk about your ex wife, and I got really nervous, and I tried to flirt information out of you.

Jess

[to Winston] You're listening to the radio and writing with a pen? What decade are we in?

Schmidt

Actually, I don't trust what "cool" means to all of you, so how about just " be normal".

Jess

Winston: So nice to meet you, Mr. Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Can I sit on your shoulders?
Kareem: Sure!
Winston: Really?
Kareem: No!

Schmidt: Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called "the slippery germ brick"?
Nick: Yeah, I probably would actually.

Nadia: Jew in the couch!
CeCe: Nadia, American manners!
Nadia: Sorry. Jew person in couch.
Schmidt: She's not wrong.

I am so sorry you had to hear about it like this. But can we take a minute to celebrate me? It's like I'm having Indian every night!

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach