Skylar: Do you know how to make drinks?
Nick: Do I know how to make drinks?
Skylar: Yeah, like alcoholic drinks?
Nick: Yeah, I do that professionally.
Skylar: You could get me drunk professionally?

What's going on? Why is the cast of The Social Network in our apartment?

Jess

Where are you guys? Could I have walked out to the mountains? When does a hill become a mountain? I'm so cold!

Nick

Russell: When I was your age I had a skinny ponytail and I think I was living off of selling my own blood.
Nick: So what happened? You just woke up one day and had all this?
Russell: I realized I wanted to grow up, that's what happened.

I want to kill you...because I respect you. I think I understanding hunting!

Nick

It smells like leather and Teddy Roosevelt and wistfulness.

Nick

Schmidt: Do you think it's a superhero?
Nick: No, I think it's Jess and some weird guy.

You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!

Winston

I would have lasted two seconds in the court of the sun king. I think about that all the time.

Jess

Jess: I'll raise the money myself! I'll get a ragtag group of kids together. An orphan, a lost soul, a Jewish kid with a keyboard, a little slut who can dance, and one fatso!
Tanya: You already did that Jess. It was the spring musical, and it brought in literally $60.

Jess: You've always wanted a thing, so maybe this is your thing. The guy with no phone.
Nick: But who is that guy!?

Do you have like a box of charity phones you're sending to Africa? Can he just have one of those?

Jess

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Paul Ryan 2020.

Schmidt