Schmidt: Just suck in your gut
Nick: What gut?
Jess: The little pooch where you keep your extra cookies.

Sum up the last two years? The country's broke. Betty White came back.

Schmidt

Nick: Jess, you know I don't dance.
Jess: Oh but you didn't know I do this. I'm mime walking. I'm Mime-chael Jackson.

Yea! He has me...and our baby! And our other baby!

Jess

So what I need you to do is this. I need you to put vodka in a water bottle, ok? Then rendezvous with me in the restroom.

Schmidt

We just started dating so were still in that honeymoon phase. I barely sleep. So much doing it.

Jess

He's so soft, like a towel.

Jess

No teeth! You can't use prop teeth!

Nick

Schmidt: We don't want to be mean, we just don't want you to be yourself...in any way.
Jess: Okay. Suppress the Jess. Got it.

I really just want to get in there and ush this wedding in the face!

Winston

Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right!

So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.

Jess

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess