New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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Jess: So Coach said they used to play basketball in college, but then Winston went pro?
Schmidt: In Latvia, okay? He went pro in Latvia. It's a big difference. The team logo is a fig. Just one single fig!

Jess (about Winston, the new roommate): I'm so excited to meet him!
Nick: No Jess, he's sleeping. He flew in late last night, we took him straight to the bar, took a bunch of shots, got drunk, screamed I love America.Now he's happily passed out.

I have to get to school cause it's astronomy day and I'm dressing up as Galileo, so I have to put on my beard.

Jess

Schmidt: You consider me a sexy man, correct?
Jess: I don't know how to answer that question

I was going for like a hot farmer's daughter kind of thing, like, oh, I'm gonna go milk my cows.

Jess

Jess: Who's that girl? It's Jess.
Nick: Did you just make up a theme song for yourself?

I'm doing sexy things with the pillow.

Jess

Waitress: You're all on a date?
Nick: Yeah, we're her boyfriends. We're reverse Mormons - one guy just isn't enough for her.

Jess: Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy.
Nick: I don't you're trying that hard.

Pink wine makes me slutty.

Jess

Schmidt: I'll take you through the whole thing. I'll be like your guide.
Jess: Like Gandolf through Middle Earth?
Schmidt: Probably not like... Okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave, where no one's gonna find them. Ever.
Jess: Except Smeagle. He lives in a cave.

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

Displaying quotes 541 - 552 of 553 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach