I wish there was a word that meant complete satisfaction and complete self loathing.

CeCe

CeCe: If someone catches us, then I'm going to say that you're drugging me, and it's my word against yours.
Schmidt: Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

Jess: I have to go out tonight, 'cause I'm feeling pretty twirly.
Schmidt: Twirly? Is that like horny?
Jess: I've got the dirty twirlies, Schmitdy!"

This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!

Schmidt

Schmidt: Where's your boyfriend?
CeCe: We're meeting up later because he has a little surprise for me.
Schmidt: Spoiler: it's his penis.

Julia: You did all the work wrong, though.
Nick: Yeah, I know I did.
Julia: That's okay.

Oh my God! It's like The Wire!

Jess

It is a sexually charged, zero gravity tea ceremony!

Schmidt

I know you probably think cupcakes are totally lame. I know I do. So if you could do me a solid and take care of these extras.

Jess [to Remy]

Train to Panama all sold out. Must be Mardi Gras!

Schmidt [with foreign accent]

Remy [to Nick]: You get to be the underpants captain tonight.
Jess: Great choice, Remy. Nick will make a great underpants captain.

Any time a man wants to show a woman how to do something from behind it's just because he wants an excuse to get real close and breathe on her neck. Watch any sports movie.

Nick

New Girl Quotes

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt