Nick: I don't have a vagina.
Patient: You can take mine.
Jess: I heard that, sister.
Patient: True that.

Are you sure you're okay? You're walking like a Disney witch. Let me drive you to your doctor.

Jess [to Nick]

Oh yeah, she tried to steal my overalls.

Dr.; Jess tackled a girl I was dating once. Jess

Are you using your friends medical crisis to feel my boobs with your face?

CeCe

I'm the guy who just can't jump into something if I don't know what's gonna happen. I've just never been that guy. I'm the guy that if I don't know what's gonna happen, I don't do something. Ever. I don't care how badly I want to do it. Like, if everyone went down to the beach and jumped into the water, I'm the guy guarding the wallets.

Nick

The only way to get through it is to get through it.

CeCe

Jess: Why do we care about a crescent moon?
Winston: I don't know, but I'm gonna live there some day.

CeCe: Guys are always just showing me off, and I hate it.
Schmidt: I want to tell people about us because I think you are the dopest, flyest, smartest, ballsiest woman that I've sexually enjoyed in really long time.

Come on Schmidt! I can't be the first woman who's ashamed to be with you.

CeCe

Jess: Who do I speak to RE: getting something removed from the Internet?

I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.

Schmidt

I wish there was a word that meant complete satisfaction and complete self loathing.

CeCe

New Girl Quotes

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick