Jess: Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy.
Nick: I don't you're trying that hard.

Pink wine makes me slutty.

Jess

Schmidt: I'll take you through the whole thing. I'll be like your guide.
Jess: Like Gandolf through Middle Earth?
Schmidt: Probably not like... Okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave, where no one's gonna find them. Ever.
Jess: Except Smeagle. He lives in a cave.

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.

Nick

New Girl Quotes

Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick