New Girl Quotes
Jess: My initial thought was to get him a gift certificate for piping hot sex. But I don't want him to think I'm using him for his body.
Nick: Oh, I'm sure he'd be ok with that.
Schmidt: Marry Christmas, Brendan, don't swallow these. Love, Uncle Nick?
Nick: It's a great gift. He's a twelve-year old kid. He's gonna love them.
I can't believe Jess got me roller-blades for Christmas. I feel so freeee!Winston
Alvin: The man with no shirt killed Santa.
Winston: Oh, you mean Schmidt? He was just dressing up like Santa.
Alvin: Then why isn't he wearing a shirt?
Winston: You know, we ask ourselves that question every single day.
Alvin: Is it because he's a d-bag? Mommy says he's a d-bag.
Schmidt: Kim, I'm not a sex object. All right, I'm your employee. I work harder than anyone. I'm the first one to show up every morning.
Kim: No you're not.
Schmidt: There's never a parking space.
Kim: That's because everybody's already here, Schmidt.
I have a really bad case of Santa Lap. The entire marketing department is wearing wool. It's not good down there.Schmidt
Cece: Remember when Christmas used to be fun, and all I had to do was worrying about my drunk uncle asking me out again?
Jess: Yes, Uncle Pardip! He thought I was a boy
Schmidt: I brought you a gift. I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you this whole time and made no reference of the fact that you are basically naked. ... I found this place on 3rd Street where you can design your own perfume: Base notes of cocoa because of your brown...ness, sea salt because it kind of sounds like "Cece," and sandalwood - Sandalwood, always up to no good!
Schmidt [to Cece, in a bikini]: Hey, you look awesome.
Cece: It's a Before-and-After for a Bolivian diet pill.
Schmidt: Elgatrax? Yeah, I've taken that.
Winston: Hey, Schmidt, look - it's a menorah for you!
Schmidt: Ohhhh, a menorah... [in a gangsta tone] Judaism, son.
Schmidt: It'll be a good opportunity for you to some networking, help with the job search. I'm telling you, everybody's hittin' the 'nog, having a good time, letting loose, you swoop in there, and then, boom! New job, man. That's how things work. You know, Benjamins in your pocket, la pension, the four-to-the-O-to-the-one-to-the-K!
Winston: You're making me want to stay broke.
Winston, you better watch it, man, because I will take you down. I had figure skating lessons until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy. Let's do this!Schmidt