Crazy girls are kind of my 'Hurt Locker.'

Schmidt

Girl, I got an obligation...at a...sandwich...meeting.

Winston

Ooh, bonus shot of Dad getting a haircut while eating spaghetti!

Jess

Have you seen a girl who looks like me, but with chaos in her eyes?

Jess

Why lie? You know how many Millers have been or currently are in jail?

Nick

I just need to get to Rachel before he tells her horrible-slash-true things about me.

Schmidt

Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.

Nick: I just want to make a good impression on Jess's sister.
Schmidt: Yeah, well, I want Julia Child not to be dead, but here we find ourselves.

Sorry to interrupt--I know the morning is the most sensual time of day.

Jess's Mom

Nick: Men don't talk to people they've dated, unless they want sex, or they're Winston.
Winston: I also want sex.

Oh, this is terrible--she's quoting Scripture, but using a ton of cuss words.

Nick

Fellas, you made it! As promised, here's a coupon for a free sub.

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I don't know the words!

Jess