Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New-girl

You're like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, old magician crazy.

Jess [to Schmidt]

I'm gonna go take a shower with Nick's bar soap like a common ranch hand.

Schmidt

Do you remember when you got yourself off to An Inconvenient Truth? Or dressed up as Shia LaBeouf from Wall Street 2? Or said that jazz music was America's greatest mistake?

Jess [to Schmidt]

Jess: Are you okay?
Nick: No, I'm not okay, Jess! I'm not okay! I woke up today, and I wanted to play a friendly game of touch football, then I hurt my back, and I went to your gynecologist, and now I might have cancer!

Nick: I don't have a vagina.
Patient: You can take mine.
Jess: I heard that, sister.
Patient: True that.

Are you sure you're okay? You're walking like a Disney witch. Let me drive you to your doctor.

Jess [to Nick]

Oh yeah, she tried to steal my overalls.

Dr.; Jess tackled a girl I was dating once. Jess

Are you using your friends medical crisis to feel my boobs with your face?

CeCe

I'm the guy who just can't jump into something if I don't know what's gonna happen. I've just never been that guy. I'm the guy that if I don't know what's gonna happen, I don't do something. Ever. I don't care how badly I want to do it. Like, if everyone went down to the beach and jumped into the water, I'm the guy guarding the wallets.

Nick

The only way to get through it is to get through it.

CeCe

Jess: Why do we care about a crescent moon?
Winston: I don't know, but I'm gonna live there some day.

CeCe: Guys are always just showing me off, and I hate it.
Schmidt: I want to tell people about us because I think you are the dopest, flyest, smartest, ballsiest woman that I've sexually enjoyed in really long time.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 179 in total

New Girl Season 1 Quotes

Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right!

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

x Close Ad