New Girl

New Girl Season 1 Quotes (Page 5)

Season 1 Episode 11: "Jess and Julia"

Jess: I'm about to go pay this fine, and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 10: "The Story of the 50"

Schmidt: Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: Damn it! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Nick: Schmidt's world is different than ours. They speak a different language. They shorten every word to one syllable. Last month, he went to a party called "Bros Before Hos on the Moon". What does that even mean!?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: Coincidentally, I'm wearing my lap dance pants!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: Tonight was tens across the board. No splash. Nobody's ever done anything like that for me before.
Jess: Anytime, Schmidt. Anytime.
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Benjamin [referring to Jess]: Are you hitting that?
Schmidt: What? No!
Benjamin: Then I think I'll help myself...to sex with your friend.
 • Rating: 2.7 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 9: "The 23rd"

Kim: Does that mean no more sexy Easter bunny?
Schmidt: No sexy Easter bunny.
Kim: What about cinco de Sexy?
Schmidt: No cinco de Sexy.
Kim: And no sexy Martin Luther King?
Schmidt: I can never get the voice. I never felt I had the authority.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Schmidt: Kim, I'm not gonna be sexy Santa anymore. It's over. Santa's dead. I killed him.
Evan: Aaaaaaah!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Jess: Why are you guys hugging?
Nick: Just Guy Talking.
Paul: About uh, how moved we are about jazz music.
Nick: That's a lie. I told him you didn't love him.
Jess: What?!
Paul: But he said it nicely!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Nick: Has Jess not talked to you?
Paul: Oh yea, we've talked.
Nick: It's hard, it's really tricky. It's like, she's doesn't love you right, Paul that's not to say she might not fall in love with you later.
Paul. We talked about how we might have to drive you to the airport cause you're gonna miss your flight.
Nick: Yea, that's probably all you talked about so I'm joking.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Paul: No it's great I love it! It's funny, and quirky and so sweet. It's like you. And that's why I love it. I love it! Thank you. I love it...I love you.
Jess: ...Thank you...
Paul: ...You're welcome.
Jess: No, you're welcome.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Schmidt: I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you the whole time and have made to reference to the fact that you are basically naked.
Cece: Very proud of you Schmidt.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Jess: My initial thought was to get him a gift certificate for piping hot sex. But I don't want him to think I'm using him for his body.
Nick: Oh, I'm sure he'd be ok with that.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: Marry Christmas, Brendan, don't swallow these. Love, Uncle Nick?
Nick: It's a great gift. He's a twelve-year old kid. He's gonna love them.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Winston: I can't believe Jess got me roller-blades for Christmas. I feel so freeee!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alvin: The man with no shirt killed Santa.
Winston: Oh, you mean Schmidt? He was just dressing up like Santa.
Alvin: Then why isn't he wearing a shirt?
Winston: You know, we ask ourselves that question every single day.
Alvin: Is it because he's a d-bag? Mommy says he's a d-bag.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: Kim, I'm not a sex object. All right, I'm your employee. I work harder than anyone. I'm the first one to show up every morning.
Kim: No you're not.
Schmidt: There's never a parking space.
Kim: That's because everybody's already here, Schmidt.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: I have a really bad case of Santa Lap. The entire marketing department is wearing wool. It's not good down there.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Cece: Remember when Christmas used to be fun, and all I had to do was worrying about my drunk uncle asking me out again?
Jess: Yes, Uncle Pardip! He thought I was a boy
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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