Come on Schmidt! I can't be the first woman who's ashamed to be with you.


Jess: Who do I speak to RE: getting something removed from the Internet?

I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.


I wish there was a word that meant complete satisfaction and complete self loathing.


CeCe: If someone catches us, then I'm going to say that you're drugging me, and it's my word against yours.
Schmidt: Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

Jess: I have to go out tonight, 'cause I'm feeling pretty twirly.
Schmidt: Twirly? Is that like horny?
Jess: I've got the dirty twirlies, Schmitdy!"

This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!


Schmidt: Where's your boyfriend?
CeCe: We're meeting up later because he has a little surprise for me.
Schmidt: Spoiler: it's his penis.

Julia: You did all the work wrong, though.
Nick: Yeah, I know I did.
Julia: That's okay.

Oh my God! It's like The Wire!


It is a sexually charged, zero gravity tea ceremony!


I know you probably think cupcakes are totally lame. I know I do. So if you could do me a solid and take care of these extras.

Jess [to Remy]

New Girl Season 1 Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.


Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.