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New-girl

He smells of strong coffee and going to see a man about a horse.

Nick

I'm gonna have to run all the way home, and I have my slipperiest loafers on!

Schmidt

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

You're like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, old magician crazy.

Jess [to Schmidt]

I'm gonna go take a shower with Nick's bar soap like a common ranch hand.

Schmidt

Do you remember when you got yourself off to An Inconvenient Truth? Or dressed up as Shia LaBeouf from Wall Street 2? Or said that jazz music was America's greatest mistake?

Jess [to Schmidt]

Jess: Are you okay?
Nick: No, I'm not okay, Jess! I'm not okay! I woke up today, and I wanted to play a friendly game of touch football, then I hurt my back, and I went to your gynecologist, and now I might have cancer!

Nick: I don't have a vagina.
Patient: You can take mine.
Jess: I heard that, sister.
Patient: True that.

Are you sure you're okay? You're walking like a Disney witch. Let me drive you to your doctor.

Jess [to Nick]
Displaying quotes 46 - 54 of 179 in total