New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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You are a gynecologist and a lesbian. This makes you a vagenius.

Schmidt

I feel like our bodies really made something. Like we brought manufacturing jobs back to America.

Schmidt

Melissa: I'm 32 by my eggs are 48 and my vagina is 97.
Sadie: And it gets better with age. It's like the vagina Helen Mirin.

What are you going to do for 20 minutes of foreplay? Boring! Yawn! Am I right, ladies?

Nick

Jess: What's the secret?
Sadie: It's about love, understanding and two sets of boobs!

Schmidt: Look at that plating. It is impeccable.
Big Schmidt: Nice squeeze bottle work there, Bobby Flay.
Schmidt: He is still relevant!
Big Schmidt: Where? Phoenix?

Bob: No, no, no. It was my mistake. I'll wait five hours and come back when Joan's shift is up.
Joan: Bob, just stay! What if we need something ruined?
Jess: Mom!
Bob: It's all right. I'll spend my holiday at a Los Angeles coffee shop, sitting around with people who have nothing better to do on Thanksgiving than work on their screenplay. I probably won't want to blow my head off.

Jess: I just want to warn you guys that my mom's a little bit perky.
Winston: Wait, you think she's perky?
Jess: Well, she doesn't have my dark side. I got that from my dad.

You're getting your scent all over my pillow. It took me months to get rid of that heavenly curry smell.

Schmidt [to Cece]

Jess: Now, if you'll excuse me gentleman, I'm going to go get a job — like it's my...
Schmidt: Job?
Jess: SHUT UP!

If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!

Jess

Somehow, I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation. And I got that menstruation inside of me!

Winston
Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 193 in total

New Girl Season 2 Quotes

I panicked and I grabbed the hat. I should have grabbed the yoyo or the slap bracelet and now all I have is this stupid hat.

Jess

Jess: I thought we talked about you not wearing your shower diaper in the kitchen!
Schmidt: Excuse me? Do you think this has been easy? To wash myself wearing a penis cast all summer?