New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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No! PMS is mine! Stop stealing my stuff, Winston.

Jess

I was sabotaged by my baby box, which means I will never trust anything that comes out of it.

Jess

We sold our qualms. We used the profits to buy perfect bodies.

Schmidt

No part of this conversation is making me wanna boil over with rage.

Nick

There's a fine line between sexual harassment and something awesome.

Schmidt

I hate doors!

Nick

I feel like I wanna murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.

Jess

Wow. I mean, look at his thighs. They're like fleshy tree trunks. Whoa, he really knows how to work a crowd. His thighs are like the size of my head.

Robbie

Nick: I didn't punch a girl. I punched a horrifying monster. You of all people should know this, Frankenstein!
Frankenstein: You're the real monster!

Jess [whispering]: Sam's in there.
Nick [whispering]: Yeah, and Amelia's in there. High five for sluts!

What am I looking at here? Robbie, man to man, you didn't want to wear something a little more form-flattering, maybe like a pile of towels? Or the number 8?

Schmidt [about Rob's green spandex]

I may not be Abraham Lincoln. But I witnessed the emancipation of one black guy tonight.

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 193 in total

New Girl Season 2 Quotes

I panicked and I grabbed the hat. I should have grabbed the yoyo or the slap bracelet and now all I have is this stupid hat.

Jess

Jess: I thought we talked about you not wearing your shower diaper in the kitchen!
Schmidt: Excuse me? Do you think this has been easy? To wash myself wearing a penis cast all summer?