New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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I didn't gay my way out of Vietnam just to get killed by some punk.

Mr. Day

If they make fun of you, I'll punch them in the penis.

Elizabeth

I know you're lying, and I'm hurt, but I'm gonna eat this anyway

Winston

Prostitute: Aren't you a virgin, too?
Winston: Just my penis, baby. Just my penis.

Jess: The only anti-depressant you need is in my pants!
Guy: It's really a medical issue.

So, would you like to freak?

Jess

Sometimes I just sit in the stall and listen to you guys.

Nick

Schmidt: A tuxedo is different from a suit.
Nick: It is??!!

Cece: I thought I threw that thing out the window.
Schmidt: That only made it stronger.

I'm going on a date with Elizabeth tonight. I haven't had sex with her since I was fat and accessing my penis was like getting a remote control out of the couch.

Schmidt

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess

Jess: If we're all really honest with ourselves, isn't it all about the gonads? Am I right, ladies?
Ladies: No!

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 193 in total

New Girl Season 2 Quotes

I panicked and I grabbed the hat. I should have grabbed the yoyo or the slap bracelet and now all I have is this stupid hat.

Jess

Jess: I thought we talked about you not wearing your shower diaper in the kitchen!
Schmidt: Excuse me? Do you think this has been easy? To wash myself wearing a penis cast all summer?