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New-girl

Life's messy. It kicks you in the ass. That's right, I said ass.

Jess

I don't know how you get a podcast, but you should look into it.

Nick

Mr. Day: What's she like?
Nick: She's not quirky. She has no bangs.

I didn't gay my way out of Vietnam just to get killed by some punk.

Mr. Day

If they make fun of you, I'll punch them in the penis.

Elizabeth

I know you're lying, and I'm hurt, but I'm gonna eat this anyway

Winston

Prostitute: Aren't you a virgin, too?
Winston: Just my penis, baby. Just my penis.

Jess: The only anti-depressant you need is in my pants!
Guy: It's really a medical issue.

So, would you like to freak?

Jess
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