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New-girl

I used to just think if I was proposed to I would notice it was happening.

Cece

I wish I knew what was going on in Nick's head. He's like a...grumpy mystery.

Jess

Ten years? You guys are like Bert and Ernie.

Jess

If somebody walked in here and saw us, they'd be like, "Look at these two totally normal roommates. I bet they never sucked face." But we did. You sucked my face.

Jess

Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.

Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis.

Schmidt

Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

I'll be back faster than you can say, "Damn, Winston, I took care of myself already."

Winston

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

Displaying quotes 55 - 63 of 193 in total