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New-girl

Winston: That's like the president and the vice president not being best friends.
Nick: They're not best friends.
Winston: Come on, everybody knows they're best friends.

Open your cellar doors, and let us taste your jams.

Schmidt

It really bums me out that I will never know the infinite joy of what it feels like to carry a child inside of me.

Coach

I take dumps standing up! I'm a man!

Coach

Six hundred dollars! That's six hundred one-dollar bills. That's the only way I can imagine it.

Nick

I don't want a refund on my cruise and I don't want a refund on you!

Nick

Jess: Where are you guys going?
Biology Teacher: In life, nowhere.

Your asses belong to me now, which means I currently have four asses.

Coach

Nobody's getting pregnant tonight!...That's the same thing I say on my dates.

Winston
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