New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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Winston: That's like the president and the vice president not being best friends.
Nick: They're not best friends.
Winston: Come on, everybody knows they're best friends.

Open your cellar doors, and let us taste your jams.

Schmidt

It really bums me out that I will never know the infinite joy of what it feels like to carry a child inside of me.

Coach

I take dumps standing up! I'm a man!

Coach

Six hundred dollars! That's six hundred one-dollar bills. That's the only way I can imagine it.

Nick

I don't want a refund on my cruise and I don't want a refund on you!

Nick

Jess: Where are you guys going?
Biology Teacher: In life, nowhere.

Your asses belong to me now, which means I currently have four asses.

Coach

Nobody's getting pregnant tonight!...That's the same thing I say on my dates.

Winston

I'm like a Hebrew cheetah.

Schmidt

Nick: My arms are so sore from doing so many push-ups.
Schmidt: That seems like a lie.

Well, this just in, the dress code for Winston's banquet tonight is...optional.

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 147 in total

New Girl Season 3 Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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