My mom? You're going to tell me that my mom helped me with my public erections? I drew pictures!

Schmidt

And it was you, not Keaton, who told me that women aren't attracted to men who wear maternity pants?

Schmidt

Where have you been? I am having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what, just driving around, French kissing each other like a couple of Dutch hookers?

Schmidt

Look at this puzzle. It's "ages 6 and up." You are "up," Winston. You are very "up."

Schmidt

Let's talk about it, in my perfect two-thirds replica of Don Draper's office.

Schmidt

Tough time in Schmidtsburgh.

Schmidt

Human dental dam!

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess

Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?

Jess