Saturdays 9:00 PM on Showtime
Nurse-jackie

I don't like chatty. I don't do chatty. I like quiet. Quiet and mean. Those are my people.

Florida Gators, I know. I'm gay, I'm not a girl.

Thor

Zoey: Are you sexually active?
Patient: No. I pretty much just lie there.

Don't say his name, it's not yours to say.

Cruz

I shagged a nurse. In the chapel.

O'Hara

(voice-over) Watch and learn. Percocet should never be crushed, broken or chewed unless you want it to hit your system like a bolt of lightning. Which is only a problem if you're afraid of lightning which I am not.

God: You know, when I hit my head, I've seen something.
Zoey: Like what? Like a bottle was throwing at you?

I like to hide my humanity. Or at least keep it to a minimum.

Akalitus

Jackie: I think Grace is starting to unravel a little bit. It's scaring the shit out of me.
Dr. O'Hara: If you need anything, and I mean anything, you'd better bloody tell me or I will kill you.
Jackie: Yes.
Dr. O'Hara: And then she'll be motherless. And then I'll have to take her.
Jackie: Oh God.

Zoey: What's larger: morbidly obese or super obese?

Jackie: Okay, a quick hypothetical. What would happen to a student nurse if she got busted flushing a patient's body part down the toilet?
Dr. O'Hara: That's so sweet, trying to take my mind off things with your own naughty doings. Was it a penis?
Jackie: No, an ear. Don't ask.
Dr. O'Hara: And you blamed the new girl? Well done. Well, she's a student. She won't get fired. Anyway, if you want me for backup, you can always say I ordered her to flush it.

Jackie: How can you read this crap?
Thor: Please, don't amplify my shame.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 183 in total

Nurse Jackie Quotes

Don't ever say "ta-da." The only people that say "ta-da" are magicians or idiots.

Jackie Peyton

Percoset should never be crushed and chewed, unless you want it to hit your system like a bolt of lightening. Which is only a problem if you're afraid of lightening.

Jackie Peyton
x Close Ad