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Jackie: Do you know who the father is?
O'Hara: No. I want it to be a surprise.

Coop hurt my feelings. He basically said that he never liked my hair... so now I'm gonna feel stuff?


How do you make every outfit look like pajamas?


Every 12 days, I go through this thing where I wish you were a completely different person for 24 hours.


Jackie: Who's Rex Ryan?
Thor: Head Coach of the Jets, hello! You people are barbarians.

Zoey: Did you get my emails?
Jackie: No.
Zoey: Did you check your email?
Jackie: No.

You know where to find me if things start to get pear-shaped.

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