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I protect my babies. This one got away, but I swear to you I will die before I see that happen again. I will keep you safe.


She looks rough for 23.

Larry: He's so new and like...happy.
Polly: Don't worry. Pete and I will f*ck that right up.

Maybe I could umpire women's softball. Then I could get laid!

Big Boo

You are aware that you just told an inmate in a prison that she should become a corrections officer. What the f*ck is wrong with you?


According to this aptitude test, uh, I should be a professional athlete, a park ranger or a correctional officer.


Larry: Dad, why did you bring us to a gay bath house?
Howard: It's a nice place. It's clean. A schvitz is a schvitz. [moaning from the others] I had a Groupon.
Larry: Aaaah.

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I made her come vaginally. Do you even know how hard that is to do? My point is...I don't even know what my point is anymore.


You know I can promise you that I've never been more saner than I am right now.

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