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Sophia: Why did God have to give me that stupid penis?
Sister Ingalls: I don't know. Any more than I know why he gave men nipples.

You think this is the first time I've heard about the chicken? It's popular fiction. It's like global warming and female ejaculation.


All I wanted was to eat the chicken that was smarter than other chickens and to absorb its power and enjoy a nice Chicken Kiev but, oh well.


Howard: You want to know if she fingered her. I think that's been established.
Larry: Dad, please. No jokes. I can't take it right now.

I figured it out when you thought Stations of the Cross was Christian radio.

Sister Ingalls

Pornstache: How did you survive infancy?
Pennasatucky: My auntie helped my mama.
Pornstache: That was a rhetorical question. Don't you understand what the hell a rhetorical question is?!

Woah, that's not happening, and you don't just turn gay. You fall somewhere on a spectrum. It's like a Kinsey scale.


God has chosen to test our conviction.


First girl who bags that bird gets a box of Biore strips.

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