I hate doing work, but I love being flattered. So maybe I’ll give it another try.

Tom

Excuse me, Miss Hanley? Would you mind if I snapped a you-y? It’s what I call selfies of other people.

Tom

Tom: What is this, a rotten grapefruit?
Larry: No, it’s my dog’s rectum.

Chicago has a lot of stuff and people, but I like to nothing and hang out with no one, so no thank you. And I love you. But no thank you.

April

Please, Ron. I’ve never asked you for anything today.

Tom

I will defeat you. I will defeat you right into my pants.

Tammy

Ben: Today is Leslie’s last day as a counselor, so everyone needs to be extra supportive.
Ron: Already done. When I walked past her this morning, I gave her a kind nod.

I’m not gonna buy that thing! It’s covered in a gallon of your boogers!

Tom

Everything is amazing. Today is perfect. And I love you.

Chris

Chard bodies. Let’s get a chard on?

Ben

The reason is, it’s vegetable porn! Porn on the cob! I’m sorry, I’m very good at vegetable puns.

Leslie

I’ve been reading up on nipples.

Chris

Parks & Rec Quotes

Last week I was in clue in the Pawnee paper crossword puzzle. The clue? "Who's the worst?"

Leslie

Was it Putin? Voldemort Putin? Of Russia?

Andy