Damn, Donna. Why you gotta bring the Quackson Five into this?


I hate doing work, but I love being flattered. So maybe I’ll give it another try.


Excuse me, Miss Hanley? Would you mind if I snapped a you-y? It’s what I call selfies of other people.


Tom: What is this, a rotten grapefruit?
Larry: No, it’s my dog’s rectum.

Chicago has a lot of stuff and people, but I like to nothing and hang out with no one, so no thank you. And I love you. But no thank you.


Please, Ron. I’ve never asked you for anything today.


I will defeat you. I will defeat you right into my pants.


Ben: Today is Leslie’s last day as a counselor, so everyone needs to be extra supportive.
Ron: Already done. When I walked past her this morning, I gave her a kind nod.

I’m not gonna buy that thing! It’s covered in a gallon of your boogers!


Everything is amazing. Today is perfect. And I love you.


Chard bodies. Let’s get a chard on?


The reason is, it’s vegetable porn! Porn on the cob! I’m sorry, I’m very good at vegetable puns.


Parks & Rec Quotes

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.


Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!