This is the hardest I’ve ever worked on anything since…wow—I’ve never worked hard on anything! What a cool life!

Tom

Despite what my pocket square says, I’m not a billionaire.

Tom

Damn, Donna. Why you gotta bring the Quackson Five into this?

Ginuwine

I hate doing work, but I love being flattered. So maybe I’ll give it another try.

Tom

Excuse me, Miss Hanley? Would you mind if I snapped a you-y? It’s what I call selfies of other people.

Tom

Tom: What is this, a rotten grapefruit?
Larry: No, it’s my dog’s rectum.

Chicago has a lot of stuff and people, but I like to nothing and hang out with no one, so no thank you. And I love you. But no thank you.

April

Please, Ron. I’ve never asked you for anything today.

Tom

I will defeat you. I will defeat you right into my pants.

Tammy

Ben: Today is Leslie’s last day as a counselor, so everyone needs to be extra supportive.
Ron: Already done. When I walked past her this morning, I gave her a kind nod.

I’m not gonna buy that thing! It’s covered in a gallon of your boogers!

Tom

Everything is amazing. Today is perfect. And I love you.

Chris

Parks & Rec Quotes

I hit rock bottom that night. I mean I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. I remember laying there thinking, there's probably a good reason why I'm down here. And then I remember thinking I need morphine.

Mark

You know why tonight is so much fun? Because everyone's so gay. And they know how to have fun, and the dancing ... everyone is just who they are and who they are is just stone cold gay.

Leslie