Leslie: Will you go to the prom with me?
Ben: Why, I thought you’d never ask…because we’re 40.

I did a show called Zoot, Zoot Wyatt in college.


I hope that high school auditorium is big enough because I’m bringing 10,000 Maniacs.


Tom: Every song I download has to pass a series of rigorous tests to answer one simple question: is it a banger?

Ohh, girl, you look creepy.


Tom: How bout I break you off some of that Ja Rule?
Student: Who’s Ja Rule?

I don’t drink alcohol from that portion of the color system.


Andy: If you do collapse, I know first aid, er karate.
Leslie: That’s not first aid.
Andy: It is if you do it right! Heimlich!

I need the good stuff. The “Mariah needs to sing tonight” stuff.


Ben: I really like you, but you are a terrible person to talk to about personal stuff.
Ron: Thank you, that means a lot to me.

This comes from your mother’s butt.


Tom: You’re like a crazy volcano. You’ll have to bring it down a notch.
Craig: I’ll bring it down a dozen notches if I have to!

Parks & Rec Quotes

Ben: Newspaper headline was "Ice Town costs ice clown his town crown."
Leslie: Yuck.
Ben: They were big into rhymes.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!