Ben: Show me Pelosi again.

Leslie: Okay, lay down.

Andy: We are responsible adults, you know what that means right?
April: I know.
Andy: That means we have money and we're going to buy the f*ck out of this house

Baby, don't you see what's happening here? She's manipulating you because she's jealous of me and the things I get to do to your body and face.

Tammy

I love her SO much. I hope she's my real mom.

April

Ron, are you mad at me? Because without eyebrows I can't really tell.

Jerry

Leslie: I want it to be a perfect park with state-of-the-art swing set and basketball courts and off to the side a lovely sitting area for kids with asthma to watch other kids play.
Tammy: Wow. If I had a park like that when I was growing up I probably wouldn't have gone through such a prolonged mall slut phase.
Leslie: Well, that's... that's the goal, Tammy.

Aw are you bummed Tom? I have a quick fix for that - let's get hammered. Everything is free here.

Andy

Yes, I'm ready.

Leslie

Andy: We. Are going. To Chicago!
Tom: Andy, think about what you're saying right now? Because it's the smartest idea anyone's ever had! Let's go!

Yeah, just joined the rat race. Just chasing the cheese. Racing the rats. Trying to get the cheese. Enough technical business talk, you look ravishing.

Andy [to Ann]

Ma'am? Shoeshine? I won't look up your skirt.

Andy

Tammy: You have overdue book fees totaling three dollars, missy.
Leslie: That is so typical. I should have known you'd use a low blow dirty pool BS move like that. That's why everybody hates the library. Here, you know what? Here's your three dollars. And I'll see you in hell.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron