Tom put all my records into this rectangle!

Ron

I got that tunnel vision that girls get. I let my emotions get the best of me. I cared too much, I guess. I was thinking with my lady parts. I was walking and it felt icky. I thought there was gonna be chocolate. I don't even remember! I'm wearing a new bra, and it closes in the front, so it popped open and it threw me off. All I wanna do is have babies! I'm just going through a thing right now. I guess when my life is incomplete, I wanna just shoot someone. This would not happen if I had a penis! Bitches be crazy. I'm good at tolerating pain; I'm bad at math, and... I'm stupid.

Leslie [giving excuses why she shot Ron]

My mom's Puerto Rican. That's why I'm so lively and colorful.

April

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing.

Ron

I want to be president someday, so I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was kind of indescribable really. I felt like I was floating. It turns out that there wasn't any marijuana in it, it was just an insanely good brownie.

Leslie

Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.

Ron

"No Oren I don't know how I'm going to die. Wait, are you asking me or telling me?"

Ben

Oh my God, your inbox is literally filled with penises.

Chris

OK, hypothetically if you're going on a mission to, say, catch a guilty whale. And while you were catching the whale, you saw something else that may also be another whale, and you were like, "What?" But then you thought, "Maybe it's not a whale. Maybe it's a big fish, maybe it's a submarine with a face painted on it." The point is if I kill the first whale, am I technically a murderer?

Leslie

I think the entire government should be privatized. Chuck E. Cheese could run the parks. Everything operated by tokens. Drop in a token, go on the swing set. Drop in another token, take a walk. Drop in a token, look at a duck.

Ron

Of all my coworkers he is one of a small number of whom I do not actively root against...uh, there I go again gettin' all sappy.

Ron

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April