Well, you know it's like I always say 'it ain't government work if you don't have to do it twice.'

Jerry

Leslie: You could go to jail. Jail, Ron. Ron, Jail. Jail, Ron, jail. You could go to jail. Jail. Jail. Jail. Jail.
Ron: Are you broken?

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.

Ron

What the fuck is a German muffin?!?

Ron

Every two weeks I need to sand down my toe nails. They're too strong for clippers.

Ron Swanson

"No Oren I don't know how I'm going to die. Wait, are you asking me or telling me?"

Ben

I love her so much, but I think I'm going to draw a mustache on her face.

Ann

Ron: Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, the best damn steakhouse in the damn state. I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there. June 2004: Porterhouse, medium rare, Bearnaise sauce. January 2000: They call this one, The Enforcer. February '96: The steak ribeye. The Whiskey: Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me? A bitch. Specifically, my ex-wife Tammy. OK, this is the first I ever went there. Look at me. Just a kid.

Leslie: Yellow haired female... likes waffles and news.
Ann: Sexy, well-read blonde... loves the sweeter things in life.
Leslie: Much better.
Ann: Hobbies?
Leslie: Organizing my agenda. Wait, that doesn't sound fun...jammin' on my planner!
Ann: Favorite place?
Leslie: Upstairs there's this mural of wildflowers, and I like to sit on a bench in front of it.
Ann: Really? It could be anywhere in the world: Paris, Hawaii, the Grand Canyon...
Leslie: Nope. Just the bench in front of the mural.
Ann: What about an actual meadow, where wildflowers are?
Leslie: Eww, Ann, I'm scared of bees, mural!
Ann: Okay, what do you think of dogs?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Cats?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Fish?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Turtles?
Leslie: No opinion. They're condescending.
Ann: Describe your ideal man.
Leslie: He's dark and mysterious, and he can sing. And he plays the organ.
Ann: I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera.

Zerts are what I call deserts, tray trays are what I call entrees, sandwiches are sammies, sandoozles or Adam Sandlers, air conditioners are cool blaterz with a "z" ... I don't know where that came from. I call cakes big ol' cookies, I call noodles long ass rice, fried chicken is fry fry chicky chick, chicken parmesan is chicky chicky parm parm, chicken caciatore is chicky catch, I call eggs pre-birds or future birds, root beer is super water, tortillas are bean blankets, and I call forks... food rakes!

Tom

No blood orphans. I don't know what that is.

Andy

Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Ron

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April