Favorite Parks and Recreation Quotes
April: I love you.
Andy: Dude, shut up! That is awesome sauce!
Ron: Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, the best damn steakhouse in the damn state. I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there. June 2004: Porterhouse, medium rare, Bearnaise sauce. January 2000: They call this one, The Enforcer. February '96: The steak ribeye. The Whiskey: Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me? A bitch. Specifically, my ex-wife Tammy. OK, this is the first I ever went there. Look at me. Just a kid.
Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.
Leslie: You could go to jail. Jail, Ron. Ron, Jail. Jail, Ron, jail. You could go to jail. Jail. Jail. Jail. Jail.
Ron: Are you broken?
I love her so much, but I think I'm going to draw a mustache on her face.
Ann
Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.
Ron
Every two weeks I need to sand down my toe nails. They're too strong for clippers.
Ron Swanson
Well, you know it's like I always say 'it ain't government work if you don't have to do it twice.'
Jerry
Strippers do nothing for me. I like a strong, salt of the Earth, self-possessed woman at the top of her field. Your Steffi Grafs, your Sheryl Swoopeses, but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.
Ron
Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.
Ron
Jerry: I was walking Lord Sheldon.
April: Ew, is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
Jerry: Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.
April: Ew.
One time when I was in high school a guy's mom called me and broke up with me for him. There was another time when I was on a date and I tripped and broke my kneecap, and then the guy said he wasn't feeling it, so he left and I waited for an ambulance. One time I was dating this guy for awhile, and then he got down on one knee and he begged me to never call him again. One guy broke up with me while we were in the shower together. Skywriting isn't always positive. Another time a guy invited me to a beautiful picnic with wine and flowers. And then when I tried to sit down, he said, "Don't eat anything. Rebecca's coming." And then he broke up with me.
Leslie
