Ben: You need a ride back to the office?
Chris: No, no. I'm going to go for a light 15K. I missed yesterday.

Ben: I got you some waffles here courtesy of J.J.'s Diner. And chicken soup courtesy of me.
Leslie: I'll take the waffles.

Was I wearing a tiara when I came in here? Because if you happen upon it, would you have Lady Pennyface retrieve it and send it post-hence?

Leslie

Leslie: That's a very good question, sir. And I would counter with my own question, which is: Why is half of your face all swirly?

That was amazing. That was a flu-ridden Michael Jordan at the '97 NBC FInals. That was Kirk Gibson hobbling up to the plate and hitting a homer off of Dennis Eckersley. That was... that was Leslie Knope.

Ben

Before we get started, a quick announcement. Every Thursday night is ladies night down at the Snakehole Lounge over on Bernum Avenue. Ladies get two drinks for the price of one. Well, that can't be right. That's way too good of a deal. Nope. That is what it says. Wow, that sounds like a fun time.

Tom

Leslie: Oh, boy. Hold on. Be careful.
Ben: What?
Leslie: The floor and the wall just switched. Walk very carefully.

I'm not sure. I looked at the meter and it had Egyptian hieroglyphics on it. Do you know the exchange rate?

Leslie

Chris: I had a dream. That she came into this room. Stole all my flu medicine and told me not to tell you and disappeared through that hole in the wall.
Ann: The door?

I like Andy. I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men.

Ron

You are an unstoppable good idea machine!

Ron

Andy: Let me go to Big Head Joe's for you. They have the most insane burritos.
Ron: I don't much go for ethnic food.
Andy: No no no. Trust me. They have one that's called the meat tornado. Literally killed a guy last year.
Ron: You had me at meat tornado.

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Episode 2 Quotes

J.J.: Sure, anything for my favorite customer.
Leslie: I bet you say that to all the girls.
J.J.: Oh no, no. Actually you are my favorite. You've spent over a thousand dollars last year on waffles alone.

April: Then I want a janitor. They can do what you do, right?
Ann: Yep, nurses and janitors are totally interchangeable.
April: Except no one dresses up like a janitor when they want to be slutty.