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When I get bummed out I take my shirt off because the bad feelings make me feel sweaty.


If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.


I can never tell if people are lying to me. I hope that doesn't come up in my police work.


Can you say per capita again? I want to take a picture of you saying "per capita."

Breakfast food can serve many purposes.


I gotta give you credit. Your mission statement made sense and you didn't use one R. Kelly lyric.


Just call me Bond, Municipal Bond!


Ben: What's your new company?
Tom: We specialize in making stacks on stacks on stacks on stacks.

[to Joe Biden] You're name just came out of your mouth!

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