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Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.

Leslie

Tammy: You're a joke. You're not even a man anymore. Oh, and by the way, last night I faked four out of the seven.
Ron: So did I.

Ron: Tammy and I are in love, and we're going to start a family together. In fact. She's ovulating. So if you'll excuse us, we're heading off on our honeymoon.
Jerry: Wow, where you going?

Look I love you like a brother. But right now I hate you. Like my actual brother, Levandrious, who I hate.

Donna

April, way to come in! Great initiative.

Chris

I know Tammy seems scary, but really she's just a manipulative, psychotic, library book pedaling sex crazed She Demon.

Leslie

Ben: You know what I like? Calzones.
Chief Trumple: What the hell's wrong with this guy?

I haven't felt this good in years. And it's not just because of the supplements he has me taking and the soluble fiber and the increase in regularity. It's him.

Ann

It's too bad. I just taught her how to whittel. She made me this tiny sharpened stick.

Leslie: Yes. I know exactly when we should do it. Post-pizza, pre-ice cream, between his third and fourth beer. He'll be full but not stuffed. Tipsy but not drunk. Should be around nine.
Ben: OK. So you've thought this through.

I'd like you to get me some more post-its. I'd like them in multiple colors. I'd like green. I'd like yellow. Do not buy orange. I do not want orange. I have plenty of orange.

Chris

Tom: All I can think about is Captain Mustache plowing my ex-wife.
Andy: And you imagine he's wearing a cape, while he's plowing her?
Tom: What?
Andy: No, just Captain Mustache? I mean if all you could think of is Ron — you know — Maybe put him in some tights and a cape, and then it would be funny.
Tom: Now I'm imagining a cape.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 21 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Episode 4 Quotes

Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.

Leslie

My ex-wife Tammy likes to check in every so often and make sure I'm doing OK. And if I am, she tries to [expletive] everything up.

Ron
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