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I am off to have a mid-morning pre-lunch with my lady friend, but I will be back in time for lunch.

Leslie: Calzones are like pizzas but they're harder to eat. They're dumb. And so was that idea.
Ben: Seriously?
Tom: This is embarrassing for you.

I don't know what it is about big, outdoor gatherings that makes everyone wanna urinate all over everything. But it does. And they do.

Leslie

Ben: Should we throw in some salads for a healthy option?
Tom: Wow, don't be such a Jerry, Ben.
Leslie: Yeah, Ben. These guys are cops. Not ballerinas.

Tammy: A relationship? With whom?
Ron: A lovely, intelligent, self-possessed pediatric surgeon named Wendy.
Tammy: Sounds like a real whore.

Whale tail. Whale tail. She's flashing a whale tale. Abort. Abort.

Leslie

I pre-dialed 9-1-1 so all you have to do is press send.

Leslie

My ex-wife Tammy likes to check in every so often and make sure I'm doing OK. And if I am, she tries to [expletive] everything up.

Jack Cooper: It appears you have an overdue book.
Ron: Oh, do I?
Jack Cooper: It's Not the Size of the Boat: Embracing Life with a Micropenis.
Ron: Tammy.

Displaying quotes 13 - 21 of 21 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Episode 4 Quotes

Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.

Leslie

My ex-wife Tammy likes to check in every so often and make sure I'm doing OK. And if I am, she tries to [expletive] everything up.

Ron
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