Parks and Recreation Season 2 Episode 18: "The Possum" Quotes
Tom: How long do you think it will take me to learn golf, Leslie?
Leslie: I could teach you. I have a 16 handicap. But, you know, it takes a lot of practice. You have to get up early, hit the range, practice reading greens.
Tom: Yeah I don't want to do all that. I'd say I just want some of those dope pants.
Those dates are arbitrary. They're like those expiration dates that the government forces companies to put on yogurt and medicine.
Ron
Mark: You've got hazardous chemicals over here.
Ron: Yeah, which only I am breathing. It's the same liberty that gives me the right to fart in my own car. Are you going to tell a man that he can't fart in his own car?
Mark: Ron, none of this is up to code.
Ron: Sure it is. It's up to the Swanson code.
Hey, Mark. Welcome to my haven. You're the first non-me to set foot in this building in ten years.
Ron
I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.
Tom
Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.
April
Leslie: Ron will show you around.
Ron: Um, right this way is the exit.
Leslie: Ma'am, the next we speak, we shall be dancing on the grave of a possum.
Evelyn: Great.
Evelyn: Let's be honest. Animal control is not the most effective branch of our government.
Leslie: They're a bunch of burned-out morons.
Fairway Frank is this awful possum who lives near the sixth hole of the public golf course. And he's actually number three on the Parks Department's most wanted pest list, right behind the bats who like to poop on the bell tower and Poopy, the raccoon who poops all over the high school cafeteria.
Leslie
Leslie: Oh, hello! I've always dreamed of you.
Evelyn: Excuse me?
Leslie: Meeting you.
