Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation "Tom's Divorce" Quotes (Page 2)

Tom: Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce. But now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: OK, Tom. Go put these in places I do not approve of.
Tom: Leslie, I'm gonna put these in places you've never heard of.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: There is a girl here that also works at Quiznos. She's really nice to me here, but really mean to me at Quiznos.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: OK, lap dances are on me. I mean I'm paying for them. They're not gonna actually be on me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie [to Tom]: I'm a feminist, OK? I would never ever go to a strip club. I've gone on record that if I had to have a stripper's name, it would be Equality. But I'm willing to sacrifice all that I've worked for just to put a smile on your perverted little face.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

April: I want to go to The Glitter Factory.
Leslie: Well, drop out of school and start doing meth.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: We are going to The Glitter Factory.
Tom: What?
Donna: Not me. I can't go back there. But if you see Jasmine tell her she can keep Anfernee, but I want my microwave back.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: She's a tall, beautiful surgeon. I'm a short, beautiful government employee slash club promoter.
Leslie: You're a club promoter?
Tom: Aspiring.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mark: You have nothing else to give me.
Andy: I have a T-shirt I tackled Eddie Vedder in. It's literally priceless.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron [about Wendy]: Looking at her, I feel like she might be the perfect spooning size for me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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