Andy: We are responsible adults, you know what that means right?
April: I know.
Andy: That means we have money and we're going to buy the f*ck out of this house

12 closets, 3 bomb shelters, 5 dumbwaiters, 2 3/8ths bath, no kitchens. Fairly standard layout.

Andy

Jessica: Is this a circle? Or is it an "O?" Is Oprah involved!?
Leslie: It's zero. I bid zero dollars.

Leslie: Ron, I just want you to know that I am not sorry for pushing your face into a cake.
Ron: Well I am sorry - for attending a public event.

I'm gonna get naked, I'm gonna get up there, and everybody's gonna see my weiner! I mean, you've seen it, you know how dumb it looks!

Andy

No one should ever say that word out loud. It's like Voldemort - or Ron.

Leslie

Meanwhile, me and you are on a boat - to the airport.

Andy

I'm awesome at being humble.

Tom

Why don't you shove all of them in your dumb mouth and then when I turn my back you can stab me with the skewer.

Leslie

One man came and lifted us all up…and that man was me!

Tom

So I'm kinda totally on Ron's side.

Tom

So, hands in, defeat Ron on three! 1, 2, 3!

Leslie

Parks & Rec Quotes

Ron: Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, the best damn steakhouse in the damn state. I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there. June 2004: Porterhouse, medium rare, Bearnaise sauce. January 2000: They call this one, The Enforcer. February '96: The steak ribeye. The Whiskey: Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me? A bitch. Specifically, my ex-wife Tammy. OK, this is the first I ever went there. Look at me. Just a kid.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April