Tom: How bout I break you off some of that Ja Rule?
Student: Who’s Ja Rule?

Ohh, girl, you look creepy.

Andy

Tom: Every song I download has to pass a series of rigorous tests to answer one simple question: is it a banger?

I hope that high school auditorium is big enough because I’m bringing 10,000 Maniacs.

Ben

I did a show called Zoot, Zoot Wyatt in college.

Ben

Leslie: Will you go to the prom with me?
Ben: Why, I thought you’d never ask…because we’re 40.

I’m just an impartial bunny, but I think Ann sucks! And also, I’m the Zodiac Killer!

April

Okay, but we should talk soon because I almost bought a toe ring the other day.

Ann

Andy: You know when you go to the ATM and get money—is there an actual guy that stands there and gives you money?
Ron: No.
Andy: Yeah, those are robots.

A straightforward deal! Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t have my straightforward deal fedora on me! We gotta stop at my storage unit!

Tom

Ron: Spending the day outside alone sounds like a dream. I love being a father, but there are a few things I miss: silence, the absence of noise, one single moment undisturbed by a children’s tv program called Doc McStuffins.

Leslie: What’s your favorite TV show?
Donna: For live tweeting it’s Scandal, for binge watching, it’s Scandal. And for fashion? Scandal. My favorite TV show is Scandal.