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Parks-and-recreation

Chris: Ron, I want to do things the Swanson way.
Ron: Wonderful. First rule. No conversation lasts longer than 100 total words. I have used 9. You have used 20.

Why did it take me so long to realize this? There are no consequences to my actions anymore! No matter what I do nothing bad can happen to me. I am like a white male U.S. senator.

Leslie

Remember when last year no one got flu shots because there was a rumor they’d turn you European?

Ben

This morning I saw a youtube video with a puppy riding a motorcycle. So my bar my bar for stunning is pretty high.

Tom

The average woman worries about how she looks in a bathing suit. So does my nanny. I get it!

Annabel Porter

Ann, you poetic and noble land mermaid.

Leslie

April: Every year we would dress up as demons and we would egg Larry’s house.
Larry: That was you?
Chris: Please, Larry, this is a private conversation.

Ronnn. Can you put some more tiny marshmallows in my hot choccy?

Tom

The offer is valid for 48 hours. We’re also interested in acquiring your Thinking PJs.

Lawyer
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