I love her SO much. I hope she's my real mom.

April

Andy: We are responsible adults, you know what that means right?
April: I know.
Andy: That means we have money and we're going to buy the f*ck out of this house

12 closets, 3 bomb shelters, 5 dumbwaiters, 2 3/8ths bath, no kitchens. Fairly standard layout.

Andy

Jessica: Is this a circle? Or is it an "O?" Is Oprah involved!?
Leslie: It's zero. I bid zero dollars.

Leslie: Ron, I just want you to know that I am not sorry for pushing your face into a cake.
Ron: Well I am sorry - for attending a public event.

I'm gonna get naked, I'm gonna get up there, and everybody's gonna see my weiner! I mean, you've seen it, you know how dumb it looks!

Andy

No one should ever say that word out loud. It's like Voldemort - or Ron.

Leslie

Meanwhile, me and you are on a boat - to the airport.

Andy

I'm awesome at being humble.

Tom

Why don't you shove all of them in your dumb mouth and then when I turn my back you can stab me with the skewer.

Leslie

One man came and lifted us all up…and that man was me!

Tom

So I'm kinda totally on Ron's side.

Tom

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron