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Parks-and-recreation

I'm a judge, so I don't want to seem partial, but Trish will win this over my dead body.

Leslie

I had to call in a few favors. But if you don't call in favors to look at women in bikinis and assign them numerical grades, what the hell do you call in favors for?

Tom

I got that tunnel vision that girls get. I let my emotions get the best of me. I cared too much, I guess. I was thinking with my lady parts. I was walking and it felt icky. I thought there was gonna be chocolate. I don't even remember! I'm wearing a new bra, and it closes in the front, so it popped open and it threw me off. All I wanna do is have babies! I'm just going through a thing right now. I guess when my life is incomplete, I wanna just shoot someone. This would not happen if I had a penis! Bitches be crazy. I'm good at tolerating pain; I'm bad at math, and... I'm stupid.

Leslie [giving excuses why she shot Ron]

I gave my gay boyfriend's boyfriend a hickey and it totally made my gay boyfriend jealous.

April

They're probably making out, over a dead deer. Super romantic.

Andy [about Mark and Ann]

You know, Leslie, the Super Bowl is in a couple months. I usually watch it with my brothers, maybe you can come by during halftime and shoot me in the head?

Ron

On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how pissed off is he?

Tom [about Ron]

Tom: Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal if breakfast cereal.
Donna: I love breakfast cereal.

I think this is gonna be a really good bonding experience with Ron. Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.

Leslie
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