Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 3 Episode 13: "The Fight"

Ron: I won't publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two inch style oscillating knife blade.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ron: I want this night to get krazy. Get me a shot of snake juice. I hear it has a dope aftertaste.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: Meeting in one hour. If you don't make it you're on my donezo list.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 12: "Eagleton"

Ron: I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don't like people celebrating, because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus the whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: I am so sick of this Lindsey-
Tom: Leslie, I've got this. You listen to me Lindsey Carlisle-Shea! Why don't you take your fancy dog, get in your Escalade, and if you've got any job openings maybe you should let me know about them.
Ben: C'mon, man-
Tom: No! I'm sick of being treated like I'm not willing to relocate to Eagleton. Because I am! So, here's what you can do, lady. Take this resume, and shove it in your human resources box.
Andy: OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Yea, shove it there!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Leslie: Do you remember what you said to me five years ago when Eagleton offered me that job and I asked you for your advice?
Ron: Do whatever the hell you want. What do I care?
Leslie: Right, but then after, when I pressed you, what did you say?
Ron: I believe I said that I thought we worked well together, and that I might disagree with your philosophy but I respected you. And I said that you'll get a lot of job offers in your life but you only have one hometown.
Leslie: Yes, that's how I remember it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: The only thing I'm guilty of is loving Pawnee. And punching Lindsay in the face and shoving a coffee filter down her pants.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Oh dude, you forgot to put a shirt on. Don't worry I do it all the time.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: I doth proclaim to be a stupid fart face.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lindsay: It's not for me. These waffles make great dog laxatives.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: Did you guys get your public forum gift bag? There's an iPod Touch in here.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron: Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: Fixed her "deviated septum" and lost 35 pounds. And lost something else... what was it again? Oh yeah, her soul.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: Ron refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is. He's even had it redacted on all government documents.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 11: "Jerry's Painting"

Ron: Everyone shut up and look at me!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: That's what you see when you close your eyes at night Jerry. Topless Leslie glued to a horse!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ben: I'm sorry are you eating Turkey Chili off of a frisbee?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ben: You always separate your lights from your darks.
April: That's racist.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leslie: Public Art Commission. Filled with hippies who love public art and sometimes weed. Jackpot.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ben: There's a 30% chance they'll die.
 • Rating: Unrated

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