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Leslie: And you have an officemate, his name is Stewart. And he's kind of a grouch.

Ann: I have an officemate?

Stewart: Get these f-ing balloons out of here.

I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don't like people celebrating, because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus the whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.

Ron

Leslie: I am so sick of this Lindsey-
Tom: Leslie, I've got this. You listen to me Lindsey Carlisle-Shea! Why don't you take your fancy dog, get in your Escalade, and if you've got any job openings maybe you should let me know about them.
Ben: C'mon, man-
Tom: No! I'm sick of being treated like I'm not willing to relocate to Eagleton. Because I am! So, here's what you can do, lady. Take this resume, and shove it in your human resources box.
Andy: OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Yea, shove it there!

Leslie: Oh my god I'm so hungover. I've never been this hungover.
Ben: I feel great. I ran 5K this morning.
Leslie: Really?
Ben: No, I threw up in the shower.

Perfect. I'm gonna go see a man about some porcelain, you know what I mean? I'm not buying cocaine. I'm going to the bathroom, the wiz palace as I like to call it.

Leslie

The raccoon problem is under control. They have their part of the town and we have ours.

Leslie

And so as you can see Pawnee has 12 beautiful baseball diamonds. And our seats have extra cushions due to the massive size of our average citizen.


Leslie

Their bathmats are amazing it's like stepping on a lamb.

Leslie

Yeah, I snuck an Al Green song in there. I want them to get together, sue me.

Ann

It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teet until they have sore, chapped nipples. I'm gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine year old.

Ron

Leslie: Ann, everything you have is too sexy. This is actually the dress Julia Roberts wore as prostitute in Pretty Woman.

Ann: I know I look really good in it.

Ann: Also, I can talk about my qualifications for this position, but first I am gonna go throw up in a waste basket.

Leslie: Would you mind if I joined you?

Ann: Not at all.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 259 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Quotes

I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.

Ron

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April
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