Pushing Daisies Season 1 Episode 1: "Pie-lette" Quotes
Chuck came ready-made from the Play Dough factory of life.
Narrator
Olive: (referring to Chuck) Doesn't she look like that dead girl?
Emerson: She looks exactly like that dead girl.
Olive: You should take that as a compliment, because she was pretty.
Ned: I asked you not to use the word "zombie." It's disrespectful. Stumbling around squawking for brains? It's not how they do. And "undead"? Nobody wants to be "un"-anything. Why begin a statement with a negative? It's like saying "I don't disagree." Just say you agree.
Emerson: Are you comfortable with "living dead"?
Ned: You're either living or your dead. When you're living, you're alive. When you're dead, that's what you are. But when you're dead and then you're not, you're alive again. Can't we say "alive again"?
Emerson: Sounds like you're a narcoleptic.
Ned: I suffer from uncontrollable types of deep sleep?
Emerson: What's the other one?
Ned: "Acrophiliac".
Emerson: Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.
Olive: Me, too. I used to think "masturbation" meant chewing your food. (awkward silence) I don't think that anymore
Chuck: I'm not who you think I am.
Emerson: Who does he think you are?
Chuck: The small town girl who never saw the world who would have the first time out be her last... well, that iswho I am but... I was hoisted by my own pitard.
Ned: What's a pitard?
Chuck: In my case, the pitard was that Tahitian getaway. It was a devil's bargain.
Emerson: Who's the devil?
Chuck: Deedee Duffield, manager of Boutique Travel Travel Boutique. She offered me a high seas adventure at no cost. All I had to do was pick up a package.
Ned: Are you a drug mule?
Chuck: No, I'm a... monkey mule.
As he stared at her, he reached around his back and held his own hand, pretending he was holding hers. And at that very moment, she was pretending to be holding his
Narrator
Chuck: I can't even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.
Ned: I'm not a fan of the hug.
Chuck: Then you haven't been hugged properly. It's like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breath again.
Ned: That's fine for someone else to do if I'm choking on something other than emotion, but you can't touch me.
Chuck: So a kiss is out of the question?
Ned: I've lost my train of thoughts.
(After Ned falls asleep) I'd kiss you if it wouldn't kill me.
Chuck
Chuck: You said you wanted to know who killed me so that justice could be served. See, I don't think that "Justice" was on the menu. Maybe as a side dish, but not as an entrée.
Ned: It was most definitely an entrée. It was a Special of the Day. Could we drop the metaphor?
I guess dying's a good a reason as any to start living
Chuck
Ned: I haven't thought of her since I was ten.
Emerson: Think of her a lot when you were ten?
Ned: I don't remember anything when I was ten.
Narrator: The pie maker remembers everything.
Chuck: Do you believe in reincarnation?
Emerson: Hell no. The planet's falling apart. Right now, it's the children's problem. We reincarnate, it's our problem
