You know how ya start your mornings in prison? Watching your cellmates take a sh*t!

Mickey

It's dirty money, Ray, ya know? The Church, they're going broke with all these lawsuits.

Bunchy

Mickey: Conor, you a fag?
Conor: I don't think so.
Mickey: I met some stand up fags in prison. Good guys. Tough guys. If one of your little friends wants to give you a blow job, that's fine. A mouth is a mouth. But don't let them f*ck you in that ass. That's how you get sick.
Conor: Thanks Grandpa.

Ray: I have a black half brother.
Abby: You're jokin' me.
Ray: No.
Abby: Oh my God. That's crazy!

Mickey: I just want my family back.
Ray: No you don't, you want my family back. You can't have it. You'll never see it comin.

Alan: The secret to happiness is freedom. Here's to your new life Mick.
Mickey: F*ckin good toast, Alan.

Mickey: Claudette. Look at you. You look great.
Claudette: It's nice of you to say that.
Mikey: Black don't crack.

Stu: He's hot, isn't he?
Singer mistress: Yep.
Stu: Find out who his trainer is!

Ray: Where's the car Ezra?
Ezra: What car?
Ray: Your car?
Ezra: Calm down Ray. You seem tense. You should get a massage.

Mickey: Tell me one true thing Ezra.
Ezra: We all die.
Mickey: Ain't that the truth.

He hates me Abby. Why, I don't know.

Mickey

Bunchy: What about me pop?
Mickey: Every relationship is different. Your mother was a great cook.

Ray Donovan Quotes

Mickey: I got a good one for ya.
Bunchy: Dad, don't.
Stan: It's alright.
Mickey: What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until a boy's 14 to come on his face.

Abby: I walked into your son's bedroom this mornin', and he was watchin' porn and fuckin' his own bed.
Ray: I don't know what the hell you're talkin' about.
Abby: Your son Conor stuck his teenage dick between his box spring and his mattress and fucked his own bed.