Terry: It's like Fatal Attraction. I bet she wasn't wearin' any panties.
Abby: [laughs] That was Basic Instinct.

You're gonna need a criminal lawyer. Today.


Ray's just like my old man was with my mom. Too caught up with his own bullshit to realize how beautiful she was.


Mickey: They ain't gonna believe I'm senile, Ray.
Ray: Really? I don't think it's such a big stretch.
Mickey: Fuck you.

If you haven't learned that Mickey always draws a shit hand, that's on you.

Why couldn't you just play fuckin' bingo like a normal old man?

Mickey: I ain't fuckin' senile.
Ray: Fine. You're not senile. Go tell Joe Friday out there you want to wear a wire and get your brains blown out in Long Beach.
Mickey: You could say I get confused from time to time.

Thank you, Ray. Boy. What a freak show that was. Has that chick ever heard of Invisalign?


Mrs. Minassian, my father's a dipshit, he's always been a dipshit. Unfortunately there's nothing I can do about that. What I can do is offer to pay you back for any inconvenience he may have caused you.

Paige: Do you feel any differently?
Ray: What?
Paige: Now that you got everything you wanted?
Ray: No.
Paige: That's too bad.

Ray: It's not your wedding present.
Bunch: [looks at the check] No? What'd you get me?
Ray: A standing mixer.
Bunch: What the fuck is that?
Ray: Kitchen shit. Abby picked it out.
Bunch: Thank you, Ray.
Ray: Congratulations.

Terry: We can't take communion.
Ray: It's a fuckin' cracker.

Ray Donovan Quotes

Well it's not going to lick itself.

Motel Owner

Mickey: I got a good one for ya.
Bunchy: Dad, don't.
Stan: It's alright.
Mickey: What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until a boy's 14 to come on his face.