Reaper

Reaper Quotes (Page 3)

Episode 3: "The Sweet Science"

Sock: Boxing requires focus. You know what it's like? It's like having sex. All right, everything's going good, right? You're getting your groove on, chugging along. In comes the talking, the hints, the tips, the criticizing. The next thing you know, you've lost that concentration, you're locked in the bathroom yelling at your own lap!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ben: You're not dating me to kill Sam, are you?
Nina: No. Besides, I don't need a knife to kill Sam.
Ben: What's that mean?
Nina: I just use these guys. [holds up hands] I like to get up in there and feel the heart beating before I squish it with my hands.
Ben: You see, that doesn't make me feel better
 • Rating: Unrated

Nina [about the geode she gave Ben]: It might have a little bit of hellfire left in it. But don't worry, it's perfectly safe. Just don't ever sleep next to it, it'll give you nightmares. And don't ever make wishes on it. And then just use a regular damp cloth to clean it
 • Rating: Unrated

Sock: Yeah, Nina, nice. I like a girl who eats like a trucker.
Nina: Thank you, Sock
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: You are a terrible person, seriously.
Devil: That's my job, man. You know, tempting the weak. Culling the herd. you know the drill
 • Rating: Unrated

Ben: So I went to the mall alone...
Sock: Sure.
Ben: ...to buy a couple of pairs of pants.
Sock: I'm sorry. You bought a couple of pairs of pants? Since when do you need more than one pair of pants? What are you, Jude Law?
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 2: "Dirty Sexy Mongol"

Sock [to Topher]: She's my sister and the only one allowed to have sex with her is me
 • Rating: 2.8 / 5.0

Sock [about Kristen wrestling with him]: It's like she's water-boarding my boys, Sammy. They're constantly blue
 • Rating: Unrated

Sock: Your ladyhood is a very very special thing. It's like a... you know, it's like a super awesome hot tub. And if you just let anybody hop into that tub, it becomes meaningless. It becomes filled with hair and you have to clean it out all the time.
Kristen: I hate dirty hot tubs.
Sock: We all do
 • Rating: Unrated

Sock: Sam! Listen. Here's what we're going to do. We need to get our stories straight, okay. People are going to come here, they're going to ask questions. We have to have answers ready.
Sam: But our friend is dead!
Sock: Ben would want us to have a cover-up story for the cops and that is a fact, Sam.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andi: Ooh. We could go on vacation.
Sam: Yes, like a real vacation. Paris.
Andi: We could go to Malta.
Sam: I don't even know where that is!
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: I almost got my throat ripped out last night!
Gladys: Drama queen.
Sam: You sent a demon to my house to kill me. Why would you do that?
Gladys: We're in a book club together.
Sam: What, so you agreed to have me assassinated?
Gladys: These book clubs are a lot of pressure
 • Rating: Unrated

Sock: This is so unfair. I am not her brother. I mean, I don't even look like her. Why does she insist on labeling me as her brother. I just want her to see me the way the rest of the world does.
Sam: And how is that?
Sock: As a sexual magician
 • Rating: Unrated

Devil [to Sam]: Well, I'll try to watch your back, buddy. But you know, you got to remember I'm a busy guy. It's an election year
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: Maybe you guys should cover the other exit.
Sock: Cover the exit with what? Our spines?
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 1: "Episode IV: A New Hope"

Kristen: Your mom puts a lot of pictures up of you around her room, it's a little strange
Sock: No, not really. I put most of them up myself
 • Rating: Unrated

Ben [about the lost souls]: They even drank all the Zimas
Sock: It's kinda a shame they have to go back to hell, I would love to party with these guys
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: Did it work?
Devil: No, i just wanted to tell you your pentagram is a Star of David. Mazel Tov!
 • Rating: Unrated

Sock: She's so hot
Ben: Smoking
Sock: Shut your mouth, that is my sister and I have dibs
 • Rating: Unrated

Kristen: I always thought my brother would be shorter, with different hair, and a lot more Asian
Sock: I could squint for you but that'd be offensive, wouldn't it?
 • Rating: Unrated

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