Hank: Look, if you like her [Tess], then ask her out.
Evan: Did she tell you to tell me that?
Hank: Yes, by my locker, before homeroom.

(to Hank) You're younger than I imagined. Most concierge doctors around here are on their third wives and last legs.

Marshall Bryant

Jill: Guess you can be both.
Hank: Both?
Jill: Concierge doctor to the rich, and an on-call doctor to the rest of us. Robin Hood of medicine.
Hank: As long as no tights are involved.

Jill: Feel this. Silk. How much do you think this benefit costs?
Hank: I don't know. A lot?
Jill: Twice that. At least.

Tucker: (to Hank) Your date seems to be having a good time.
Hank: Oh, no...
Jill: Oh, this...
Hank: This is not a date.
Jill: It's not a date.
Tucker: Awww. (chuckles)
Libby: What do you kids call it these days?

Evan: So today, we are gonna meet ten women. They're gonna ask us what we do for a living. We're gonna tell them and we're gonna be so charming about it that at least one of them is gonna be interested in your services.
Hank: And the other nine?
Evan: They'll be interested in mine.

(as Boris and his party leaves)
Evan: Whooo, man crush!
Hank: You're seduced by anyone with an entourage.

Kendrick: I'm gonna go squeeze in some passing drills before lunch.
Hank & Lucy: (to Kendrick, in unison) Don't forget to stretch.
Melody: Your dream come true. Mom times two. (fist-bumps with Kendrick)

(as Evan runs into Jill in the street)
Evan: Hey, don't I know you?
Jill: They just don't make pickup lines like they used to.
Evan: I have been labeled a progressive.

(staring at Ms. Newberg's breasts) Uh, you look fantastic, ma'am.

Evan

Lucy: I have a plan for that boy, not as a dreamer, but as a mother.
Hank: I know you love your son. But you need to stop fixating on his destiny and start worrying about his life, because he can't be president if he's dead.

Note to self, become a doctor.

Evan

Royal Pains Quotes

Yeah, dude. Don't punk the crackberry. She'll light your ass up like a Christmas tree.

Tucker

Note to self, become a doctor.

Evan