(as Evan runs into Jill in the street)
Evan: Hey, don't I know you?
Jill: They just don't make pickup lines like they used to.
Evan: I have been labeled a progressive.

Kendrick: I'm gonna go squeeze in some passing drills before lunch.
Hank & Lucy: (to Kendrick, in unison) Don't forget to stretch.
Melody: Your dream come true. Mom times two. (fist-bumps with Kendrick)

(as Boris and his party leaves)
Evan: Whooo, man crush!
Hank: You're seduced by anyone with an entourage.

Evan: So today, we are gonna meet ten women. They're gonna ask us what we do for a living. We're gonna tell them and we're gonna be so charming about it that at least one of them is gonna be interested in your services.
Hank: And the other nine?
Evan: They'll be interested in mine.

Jill: So you and your brother seem pretty different.
Hank: On a good day, very different.

Divya: (talking to Evan on the phone) Just soak some hot towels in household vinegar. Apply the compress for 20 minutes two to four times a day. You'll all be fine by next week, although you'll still be an idiot. (hangs up the phone)
Hank: You'd make a great older brother.

Hank: Well, I'm ready to leave.
Divya: We just got here.
Evan: You know what? I'm actually with Hank on this one. The average age here is dead.

Hank: You wanna grab a bite to eat?
Jill: I only have 30 minutes 'til my next meeting.
Hank: We'll take big bites.

Like Mr. Kliner. He was our biggest donor. He had plenty of money to throw a retirement party for a ballerina, but not enough to honor his pledge to the free clinic. And for the record, free clinics, they're not free. Big misnomer. They're expensive. Only you can't call them that or nobody would come.

Jill

Hank: (pulling out Tucker's sutures) Huh. The surgeon did nice work.
Tucker: He was under a lot of pressure.
Divya: Why? Was your father standing over him?
Libby: No. I was.
Tucker: Imagine being Mozart's piano tuner but then more stressful than that.

Tucker: (to Hank) Your date seems to be having a good time.
Hank: Oh, no...
Jill: Oh, this...
Hank: This is not a date.
Jill: It's not a date.
Tucker: Awww. (chuckles)
Libby: What do you kids call it these days?

Jill: Feel this. Silk. How much do you think this benefit costs?
Hank: I don't know. A lot?
Jill: Twice that. At least.

Royal Pains Quotes

Yeah, dude. Don't punk the crackberry. She'll light your ass up like a Christmas tree.

Tucker

Note to self, become a doctor.

Evan