"If there is something you know you can do, whether it's intubating a patient, or copping a squat on the roof, and your mind keeps throwing up road blocks, just know you can drive right through them..."

Dr. Casey

Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were, in fact the wall in which you're leaning against. Of course then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall in which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truely is. I know, here it's a conundrum, but don't you worry about it. I'll tackle that one right upstairs, in the meantime, you could atleast pretend to be doing some work, and right about know, even though you don't have your basket, aw it's just a terrific time for you to skip away Shirley, skip away, skip away, go head, skip away. Skip, skip, skip to my Lou woo!

Dr. Cox

J.D.: Holy inferiority complex Batman! How low is my self esteem that I'm the sidekick in my own fantasy?
Turk: It could be worse. You could be Alfred the butler.
J.D.: Damn you, sir

J.D.: We found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples...
Ted: Why should they be happy!?

Turk: Dude, the only difference between a black girl and a white girl is that when a black girl asks you if her ass looks big?
J.D.: Uh-huh?
Turk: You say, "Hell yeah!"

I started an "I hate Cox" chat room. It didn't work out the way I planned. It's just me, two interns and 14,000 lesbians.

Elliot

Denise: Why you moping around like a tiny girl bitch?
Turk: Wow, can't you ever be like "hi," or even better, "what's up?"
Denise: Sure, what's up tiny girl bitch?

J.D.: You're dangerous aren't you?
Drew: Yes I am.
J.D.: I bet you listen to rap music.

J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"

There's my big box of failure. Oh Santa, you got my letters you fat bastard.

Dr. Cox

J.D.'s narration: A wise man once said the human spirit can overcome any obstacle.
J.D.: I can't.
Elliot: Come on!
J.D.'s narration: That man had obviously never run a triathlon.

Denise: So, you and me. We're gonna have a stupid jar. Everytime you say something stupid, we're gonna put a nickel in that jar and when it gets nice and full, we're going to beat you with it.
Cole: Dude, how much fun is she in the sack?
Drew: More scary than fun.

Scrubs Quotes

Turk: All right, Elliot, at the presentation I was wondering, can I do the ending? Because I really love the ending of our paper.
Elliot: Do you think I'm cut out to be a doctor?
Turk: Okay, fine, you can do the ending. I just want to say, "Thanks, folks! We've been great!"
Elliot: I'm serious. Do you think this is what I really want to do?
Turk: Elliot, I don't know.
Elliot: You can tell me. I can take it.
Turk: No, Elliot, I'm saying I don't know because I really don't know. What the hell is going on here? Why have all women gone crazy?

Ah, checking Mr. Countertop's heart rate. (Slams a pack of paper on the countertop, hurting Keith's ears) Memories. Do you know that once, Dr. Cox made me give every air conditioning unit in this hospital a pap smear? The wacky thing is room 403 did have some yeast issues.

</i> J.D.