Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were, in fact the wall in which you're leaning against. Of course then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall in which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truely is. I know, here it's a conundrum, but don't you worry about it. I'll tackle that one right upstairs, in the meantime, you could atleast pretend to be doing some work, and right about know, even though you don't have your basket, aw it's just a terrific time for you to skip away Shirley, skip away, skip away, go head, skip away. Skip, skip, skip to my Lou woo!

Dr. Cox

J.D.: Holy inferiority complex Batman! How low is my self esteem that I'm the sidekick in my own fantasy?
Turk: It could be worse. You could be Alfred the butler.
J.D.: Damn you, sir

J.D.: We found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples...
Ted: Why should they be happy!?

I started an "I hate Cox" chat room. It didn't work out the way I planned. It's just me, two interns and 14,000 lesbians.

Elliot

Turk: Dude, the only difference between a black girl and a white girl is that when a black girl asks you if her ass looks big?
J.D.: Uh-huh?
Turk: You say, "Hell yeah!"

Denise: Why you moping around like a tiny girl bitch?
Turk: Wow, can't you ever be like "hi," or even better, "what's up?"
Denise: Sure, what's up tiny girl bitch?

J.D.: You're dangerous aren't you?
Drew: Yes I am.
J.D.: I bet you listen to rap music.

J.D.'s narration: A wise man once said the human spirit can overcome any obstacle.
J.D.: I can't.
Elliot: Come on!
J.D.'s narration: That man had obviously never run a triathlon.

There's my big box of failure. Oh Santa, you got my letters you fat bastard.

Dr. Cox

J.D.: You need to hire a few more nurses
Cox: Look, Tammy, we don't have the money. If you want to go out and raise the cash yourself, feel free. Maybe you can sell your eggs to a fertility clinic. Or sell that beard of yours to a ridiculousness museum. Or better yet make a list of all the people that you drive insane and tell them for a nominal fee you'll never speak to them again. You, of course, offer them a monthly subscription at a reduced rate just to reel them in. And then after awhile of you not talking to you they'll forget just how annoying you are and they'll let their subscription run up and then bang.. that's when you show up at their house and you drive them insane all over again by speaking to them. And here's the kicker, when everyone's trying to resubscribe.. you lay it on them that the price is now quadruple. I'm predicting, and this is a low end guesstimate, you're looking at about a hundred million dollars a quarter

I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

J.D.

Dr. Cox: Ahhh, damn. I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I? That wonderful time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet, elbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy! You can tell Uncle Coxie about the naught-aye!
Elliot: Dr. Cox, I lost my apartment, and so I was just...needing a place to stay.
Dr. Cox: So, you went over to your "friend's" house, and cried on his shoulder - boo-hoo, wah - and you, of course, comforted her because she was weak and vulnerable, and blah... blah... blah... nerdy sex. The end. Dear Lord, Laverne, how in God's name do you listen to this crap all day long?
Laverne: Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 4008 in total

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

Jerry: When I was alive, I wish I had lived one day like he lives every day of his life.
J.D.: Dead people don't talk, Jerry.

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