Dr. Cox: Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down

I'm not what you call a winner... sure I'm a lawyer but that's only becaus I took the bar exam in Alaska and they only have like four laws and most of them are when you can and cannot kill... seals.

Ted

You know, it's ironic that cancer starts with can because at this stage there's nothing we can do about it.

Denise

Jake: He spelled "attorney" wrong.
J.D.(reads post-it): "Buy Groceries. Kill Self."

Check it, I put orange soda in my IV bag, I'm like a hamster yo.

Cole

J.D.: Hey, I'm glad I found you. I need your approval to cut down some lollipop trees outside the sea monkey hut
Denise: What are you talking about?
J.D.: These decisions have to go through you because you're the mayor of crazy town

Lady, people aren't chocolates. D'you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bobble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.

Dr. Cox

Doug wanted me to give this patient five hundred thousand milligrams of morphine. I thought I'd check with you before I kill a man.

Laverne

Hey champ. What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso. How ya doin'?

Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: There are no magical fixes. It's all up to you. So get up off your keester, get out of here and go start doing the work.
Ms. Goldman: What if it's too hard?
Turk: Yeah. What if it's too hard?
Dr. Kelso: Turkelton, I have no idea why you're chiming in, but I'll say this to both of you. Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.
Turk: I gotta go.

Dr. Cox: Oh gosh, I guess, I became a doctor because ever since I was a little boy I just wanted to help people. I don't tell this story very often but I remember when I was seven-years old I one time I found a bird that had fallen out of its nest so I picked him up and brought him home and made him a house out of an empty shoebox and hahaha oh my God... Oh... I became a doctor for the same four reasons everybody does: chicks, money power and chicks. But since HMOs have made it virtually impossible to make any real money which directly affects the number of chicks who come sniffin' around and don't ask me what tree they're barkin' up because they're sure as hell not pissin' on mine and as far as power goes, well here I am during my free time letting some thirteen-year old psychology fellow who couldn't cut it in real medicine ask me question about my personal life. So here's the inside scoop there pumpkin, why don't you go head and tell me all about power

Mickey: (running around like an airplane) I'm a pretty airplane! Board me.
Murray: He's a little off...
J.D.: He smells like fuel.
Murray: He's an airplane.

Scrubs Quotes

Turk: All right, Elliot, at the presentation I was wondering, can I do the ending? Because I really love the ending of our paper.
Elliot: Do you think I'm cut out to be a doctor?
Turk: Okay, fine, you can do the ending. I just want to say, "Thanks, folks! We've been great!"
Elliot: I'm serious. Do you think this is what I really want to do?
Turk: Elliot, I don't know.
Elliot: You can tell me. I can take it.
Turk: No, Elliot, I'm saying I don't know because I really don't know. What the hell is going on here? Why have all women gone crazy?

Ah, checking Mr. Countertop's heart rate. (Slams a pack of paper on the countertop, hurting Keith's ears) Memories. Do you know that once, Dr. Cox made me give every air conditioning unit in this hospital a pap smear? The wacky thing is room 403 did have some yeast issues.

</i> J.D.