Scrubs Season 8 Episode 9: "My Abscence" Quotes
Dr. Cox: Hello. If it's alright with everyone, I'd like to begin this morning's rounds with a joke. Denise.
Denise: Um, I don't really have one.
Dr. Cox: No. I meant that you were the joke.
Denise: Oh, good one.
Dr. Cox: Thanks. I thought of it this morning while I was watching you trying to jam a catheter into Mr. Hazelton.
Denise: Yeah, he was a screamer
Mr. Francone has been in a coma for well over a year. His organs are starting to fail and he probably won't be with us very much longer. The most important thing to remember during his final hours here on Earth is do not ever come to me and ask me questions about how to treat him. He's a potato. If you do, my answer will always be the same. Sour cream, chives, and if I haven't had any protein that day, maybe just a sprinkling of some of those bacon bits
Dr. Cox
Denise: Dr. Reid, no offense, but have you been drinking?
Elliot: Oh. No. I read that shampooing with beer is good for your hair. So, all sudsed up in the shower and the hot water dies. So now I've got to spend the entire day smelling like a brewery because there is no way I'm going to rinse off with ice water. See, this dress only works without a bra, so if I get cold, looks like I'm smuggling candy cones
Gooch and I are going to hold off on the babies. We've only known each other a week. Plus, with all the cycling, apparently I've done a real number on my sperm
Ted
I wish I was emotionally healthy enough to love someone so much that I died after they did. I was with that dude last night. Only way I'm going to die after him is if he had a heart attack while he was on top of me. Crap, I just turned myself on
Denise
Turk: I was pulling some dude's spleen out today, and check it, blood splashed on my scrubs, looks like a tiger. Roar!
Carla: Why is that part a different color?
Turk: I might have used chocolate pudding to do the tail
Elliot: J.D. was sitting in that exact chair when we had our third kiss
Kelso: Oh that is very romantic, I will try not to drill any more farts into it
Elliot: Dr. Kelso, you do realize you don't work here anymore
Kelso: Look, her husband was an old friend of mine, plus I have forgotten more medicine than you two will ever know. [to Denise] I don't know you but I assume I have you beat because you're blond and rolling with ms reeks of beer
Elliot: It's my hair, okay?
Denise: And watch the lip, grandpa, because you wouldn't be the first old man I beat up
Kelso: I like her, she has girl balls
