Scrubs Season 5 Episode 3: "My Day at the Races" Quotes
J.D.: Friday's my birthday! I've already e-vited everyone to a party at our place.
Carla: Whose place?
J.D.: Your place. Look, I can't just un-e-vite everyone - I've already got two e-yeses and twenty-four e-maybes. That's a lot of e-sponses.
Carla: Bambi, I'm gonna put my e-foot up your ass.
Or maybe you could pressure him, get dumped, throw on 50 pounds, start collecting knic-knacks and meet your future now...you know...before the loneliness burns too much!
Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Hypnosis is for birthday parties and bad Vegas lounges. Now, you go tell your patient to let you do what you do best: Knock her out, and then start digging around inside of her like a blind man looking for a nickel.
J.D.: Hey! Remember when we were in college and we made lists of all the stuff we wanted to do by the time we turned thirty?
Turk: Yeah!
J.D.: Check it!
Turk: "Things to do by thirty: Get married. Buy a house. Learn difference between senator and congressman." Dude, you haven't done any of these yet.
J.D.'s narration: Since I was currently homeless, Turk and Carla were letting me crash here as long as I needed.
Carla: J.D., you have to get out. This place is tiny! And I'm sick of seeing your man-panties hangin' all over the bathroom.
J.D.: They're called boxers, Carla.
Carla: They're satin, J.D.?
J.D.: With a breathable cotton crotch panel!
How could you have never slept naked on a hammock?
Turk
J.D. I'm afraid of dragonflies.
Carla: If money is so tight, why not have Jake move in with you?
Jordan: Who's Jake?
Dr. Cox: Jordan! ...No!
Elliot: He's this guy that I've been going out with for a while, but we're not ready to move in. He's a little closed-off, you know?
Jordan: Uh, sweetie, are you aware of who I live with?
Turk: Okay... I'm gonna go with Dr. Cox on this one.
Dr. Cox: That's a rookie move, and you hate to see it. You always side with the wife - even if she's got a full-blown case of the crazies.
Turk: My appendectomy patient wants me to use hypnosis instead of anesthesia.
Dr. Cox: Lookit, I'd like to throw it in Gwen Stefani tonight instead of Jordan, but that ain't gonna happen either.
Mrs. Appendectomy: Look, fifteen percent of all surgical complications are anesthesia-related, so I would like to use hypnosis instead of the traditional anesthesia.
Turk: Well, I'd like to sleep with Beyonc instead of my wife tonight, but that ain't happening either, you know what I'm saying!?
Elliot: We have a very complicated past.
J.D.: Yeah, I hurt her, and I'm not proud.
J.D.'s narration: I'm a little proud.
Jordan "Godzilla" Sullivan! You stop that, and you stop that now!
Dr. Cox
