Scrubs

Scrubs "My Fruit Cups" Quotes

(J.D. winks at Dr. Cox)
Dr. Cox: Oh my God, Sabrina. You had better tell me that you just had laser eye surgery and they accidentally severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up, because you did not just wink at me!
J.D.: I didn't mean anything by it, I wink at everybody. (Winks at Dr. Kelso) Hey, Dr. Kelso!
Dr. Kelso: Save it for the bathhouses, sport.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Is there one bathroom in this damn place that has toliet paper, or do I have to start carrying around a basket of leaves?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: Did you steal pudding and toilet paper?
J.D.: What? No! I hate pudding and I don't use toilet paper. (Pauses) I have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt.
Janitor: Bidet.
J.D.: Bidet to you sir.
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: Hold up! There's been a number of thefts around the hospital. We're doing bag checks.
J.D.: But what about that guy taking scrubs?
Janitor: Hey, Tom!
Tom: Hey!
Janitor: He doesn't have a bag.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: You don't seem that stressed out.
Elliot: Well, I haven't pooed in six days.
J.D.: Twice this morning, and I haven't even had my coffee yet.
Elliot: You really pick odd things to brag about.
J.D.: I'm just saying, if I had to get three by lunch, I probably could.
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: You know, we're zeroing in on the guy that's been stealing stuff.
J.D.: Oh? Well, that's good.
Janitor: Yep. In fact, right now, I'm dusting for fingerprints.
J.D.: Really?
Janitor: Nah, I'm just dusting.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Well, just for being so jealous and pissy lately. I mean, I guess I just kind of got hung up on the fact that you were with, you know, Dr. Jasper and...Dr. Michaels...Dr. Stone. Was it his ear hair? Is that what is so compelling about him?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Jordan. Please tell me you ate a raccoon and it's slowly making its way through your digestive system.
Jordan: Oh, don't worry, it's not your baby. Though not for lack of trying - see, we have sex a lot.
Julie: Who are you?
Jordan: Who do you think I am?
Julie: Well, you have keys to the apartment, so I'm gonna say... the maid.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan, are you... are you crying?
Jordan: No... I don't know! I'm just completely hormonal! I mean, you try going from out-of-control horny to clinically depressed six times a day.
Dr. Cox: Oh, gimme a break, I can knock that out on the way to work.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: So, Dad, how are things at home?
Dr. Reid: They're good...good. Your mom redid the bedroom again. I'm gonna keep mine the way it is.
Elliot: Well, you don't want to be one of those couples that does everything together.
 • Rating: Unrated

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