Scrubs

Scrubs "My Saving Grace" Quotes

Elliot: (to Johann) Oooh, look at that big lollipop. I wouldn't know whether to lick it or just to lift up my skirt and spank myself with it.
J.D.: Elliot!
Elliot: (whispering furiously) It's free candy!
 • Rating: Unrated

Katie: Dr. Reid, I thought you gave a great endocrinology lecture today. Even though some of the other interns think you go off on personal tangents too much.
Elliot: Who?
Katie: Oh, I shouldn't say. Denise.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: So, how are you holding up?
Janitor: Cleaning's an art. My mop is my paintbrush.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.'s narration: Oh no, it's the first time I've seen the Janitor since he was fired. I have to seem like I care. Think of the saddest thing you can. Turk's dead, Turk's dead, Turk's de- ... oh my god, what if something really happened to him. I'd be lost. Stop thinking like that. Turk's fine, Turk's fine, Turk's fine, Turk's fine, Turk's fine.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Maddox: Hey, guys. Listen, I popped in here earlier and noticed that not Mr. Roselle but his daughter showing signs of M.S. They were lying to get her the drugs. Can you believe it?
J.D.: I'm angry. I wanna shake these things.
Elliot: Hard.
Dr. Maddox: Anyway, I played the bad guy for you and I tossed them out. I love playing the bad guy. I'd even wear black scrubs if they made them.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: You guys, let's face it. Maddox is untouchable.
J.D.'s narration: Not true. I know how to get rid of any woman.
J.D.: Dr. Maddox. I love you.
Dr. Maddox: Excuse me for just a second.
J.D.: Where are you going? I'm telling you that I love you.
Dr. Maddox: Okay. (An ambulance goes by in front of her and she vanishes)
J.D.'s narration: Too mean, psyche.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.'s narration: And then we saw something amazing. Dr. Cox said something nice to Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: Look, Katie, now that you're here it doesn't matter what crap you had in your past all that matters is that you leave it there because this hospital is your home now and these people are your family and i can tell you they will love you unconditionally if you let them but if you don't they... check that.. we will eat you alive
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: It's like, all of a sudden, this hospital is a police state.
Elliot: The next thing you know, they'll be charging doctors for candy at the gift shop.
J.D.: They do charge doctors for candy at the gift shop, Elliot.
Elliot: Really? Then why does Johann always let me-
J.D.: Because he wants to make you his wife and bring you back to Estonia.
Elliot: Ah, that's why he's always asking me if I'm comfortable around oxen
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot [to gift store clerk]: Oooh, look at that big lollipop. I wouldn't know whether to lick it or just to lift up my skirt and spank myself with it.
J.D.: Elliot!
Elliot: It's free candy
 • Rating: Unrated

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