Scrubs Season 5 Episode 7: "My Way Home" Quotes
Turk: Sir, I was watching that.
Dr. Kelso: Well, why don't I just tell you what happened: Uncle Phillip gets Webster the dog despite George and Ma'am's objections. It was a good one.
Dr. Cox: But, trust me, when you do have your own kid, you won't feel that way.
Carla: Yeah? Why? What'll be different?
Dr. Cox: He'll be yours.
You don't understand. I didn't dump him on the Janitor because I was busy. I dumped him on him because he was working my last nerve and I wanted to smoosh his face.
Carla
Mr. Bolger: Okay, next question-
Turk: With all those topical treatments, let's just say I wasn't completely functional.
Mr. Bolger: Why are all surgical residents being so relentless about my son's heart?
Turk: Because whichever one of us convinces you to pull the plug and donate his heart gets to assist in the transplant.
Yeah... the little nipper got ahold of a paint gun when I was painting this green line down to the smoker's lounge. Thanks to him, I only got halfway down.
Janitor
Turk: Dude, it was awful. I couldn't stop lying to them. I only have two moves! If surgery goes well, the fake modest nod and wink. Now, if surgery goes bad and the guy dies, there's always the headshake-sad-walk-away.
J.D.: Turk! Toto and I are going home.
Turk: Fine!
J.D.: Okay! I'll help!
A hospital can sometimes feel like a magical place, where peoples' hopes and dreams are often far from ordinary.
J.D.'s Narration
Carla: I just don't see what's so adorable; I mean, "Yay! You made a poopy in the potty!" I'm supposed to be impressed? There's a monkey at the zoo who can do that. I mean, you know, when he's not playing with himself.
J.D.: Well, if you don't wanna have a baby, Carla, don't have a baby.
Carla: But, J.D., I wanna have a child with Turk more than anything in the world. I know it's crazy, but I'm a girl - that's how we roll.
Carla: J.D., I have to admit this to somebody: I don't like kids!
J.D.: What are you talking about? You're the most maternal person I know.
Carla: Well, I'm a nurse, J.D. I'm trained to fake it!
Turk: Anyway, I gotta talk to the Bolger family about getting their son's heart, but I can't find 'em anywhere.
Laverne: Oh, they're in the doctors' lounge.
Turk: Oh my God, Laverne, I love you! Listen, if any other surgeon asks about them, you send them someplace else - the cafeteria, the zoo, I don't care! I'm goin' to get my heart!
None of you will be assisting on anything, because we still don't have a donor heart. Last night, Mr. Bolger here was declared brain-dead. We have to convince his family to pull the plug and give us his heart. Whichever one of you Benihana rejects pulls this off gets the operation... Go!
Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: Now, on your feet. They need you in the O.R. to assist on the heart transplant.
Turk: The Bolgers said yes?
Dr. Kelso: Mr. Bolger wanted you to have this.
He hands Turk a card.
Turk: His son's driver's license?
Dr. Kelso: Turn it over.
J.D.'s Narration: Every so often, a wizard comes along and tells you exactly what you need to hear.
Turk turns the license over to reveal a small heart-shaped icon on the back which reads "DONOR".
Dr. Kelso: Seems like you had a heart all along!
