Scrubs

Scrubs Quotes (Page 4)

Season 9 Episode 7: "Our White Coats"

Elliot: You need my pregnancy boobs for this one. If I could give up five years to keep these bad boys I would. As long as I had a guarantee I'd live into my eighties.
Denise: Yeah, you should bring that up to God when he grants you your magic boobs.
Elliot: Only in my head it wasn't God, it was a genie.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cole: I hope the school has insurance, because my keynote speech is gonna blow the roof off this mother.
 • Rating: Unrated

Denise: Hey work buddy.
Turk: Hey.
Denise: You have a sec?
Turk: Sure, what do you want to do? Want to play hide the saltine? Make a giant black doctor? Damn, those never sounded dirty with J.D.
Denise: Yeah, they did.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lucy: You've never been to Maine and you were college roommates with Michael Bolton.
Cox: Yes and the latter fuels most of my anger.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kelso: Can I do the interview with that little number in the second row? She said I reminded her of her grandfather and I think I can use that to at least get her top off.
Cox: You're a hell of an educator, Bob.
Kelso: I do it for them.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cox: Now it is time for a boring announcement about a pointless tradition brought to you by an empty figure head with a failing liver and an over active libido.
Kelso: Thank you, Perry. You and your filled muscle smut.
Cox: I miss this.
Kelso: Yeah me too, it kills me that we're friends now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Perry: To recap, what is the number one attribute all medical school students share with this skeleton?
Lucy: The hollow area of nothing in the skull?
Perry: Exactly.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: I would never give birth under a tree, although JD and I did conceive this baby under one. It was a Christmas tree. Not in our house. It was still on the lot. We made a lot of Christians uncomfortable that day.
Lucy: I once got felt up in a pumpkin patch.
Elliot: Don't you just love the holidays?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 9 Episode 6: "Our New Girl-Bro"

Elliot: I've learned two things since I've been pregnant: ketchup on cereal is delicious and sometimes you need to be selfish.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kate: Don't you think think you should disinfect the area first?
Elliot: Good catch, Kate. What do you think, should we wipe away all the deadly bacteria or should we do this Civil War era style?
 • Rating: Unrated

Cole: Hey Dr. Cox, I just finished cleaning that guys foot ulcer.
Dr. Cox: How'd that go for you?
Cole: I'm not gonna lie, I yacked on his face. Other than that.. crushed it!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Elliot: Hey crazy swim suit lady. What are you doing?
Lucy: Volunteering at physical therapy. I'm stretching Mr. Beagle's hamstring.
Elliot: Stop, he'll be fine.
Lucy: How do you know?
Elliot: He works at the gift shop
Kevin: You get what you can get. The baby isn't mine, is it?
Elliot: Get out, Kevin.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lucy: Morning sunshine. You look rested. Wow, and making time for the paper, that must be nice. Later you munch.
Elliot: Did she call me a butt munch?
Drew: She didn't use the word munch, but I can't think of any other prominent type of munch, so yeah I think she called you a butt munch.
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: If you were on a desert island what three CDs would you bring?
Drew: Motorhead, Metallica and the original cast recording of Wicked. I staged managed the Midwestern leg of the '05 tour and yes, Kristin Chenowith is a delight.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: The chops are awesome. I pounded down eleven them, gristle and all. And I'm a vegetarian. But the baby? Carnivore.
 • Rating: Unrated

Denise: So, you and me. We're gonna have a stupid jar. Everytime you say something stupid, we're gonna put a nickel in that jar and when it gets nice and full, we're going to beat you with it.
Cole: Dude, how much fun is she in the sack?
Drew: More scary than fun.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lucy: I have nine thousand things to do today, go back to sleep.
Cole: Girl once you wake up the troops you gotta storm the beach.
Lucy: You are actually on my to do list.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 9 Episode 5: "Our Mysteries"

Cole: Hey, you got any of those weiner pills?
Kelso: Who do you think you're talking to son? I'll give you one for $10.
Cole: You got change for a $20?
Kelso: Nope. [takes money] We'll drop a couple of these bad boys and go trolling for ladies at the airport bar.
Cole: Will you be my grandpa?
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: They need me.
Cox: Do they? I remember not holding your smooth, baby hands and you didn't turn out that bad.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: There's my big box of failure. Oh Santa, you got my letters you fat bastard.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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