Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman. Great news: Dr. Zeltzer and I have gone over your test results, and your prognosis is excellent.
Mr. Corman: That's great.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, it is!
Mr. Corman: But you know what? You guys can pat yourself on the back all you want, but I'm not an idiot. I know that you were screwing with me; that I come in here sometimes, thinking I'm sick when I'm not. But if you remember anything, you remember this: If it turns out I didn't have cancer, I coulda been just some guy coming in here, looking for help... that you treated like crap.
Dr. Cox: Yeah.
Mr. Corman: The whole thing has given me an ulcer.
Carla: You wanna be tested for that, too, don't you?
Mr. Corman: Do ya mind?

J.D.: Fantastic!
Elliot: You're such an ass.
Laverne: Could you speak up? Mr. Roberts doesn't hear so well.
Elliot: Laverne, if you're looking for your beeswax, none of that is over here, okay?!
Laverne: Now she all mad.
Elliot: Look, I really just needed your help last night, and you completely bailed on me.
J.D.: You're the one that drew all these lines up, said that we're not in a relationship right now.
Elliot: J.D., I wasn't looking for a boyfriend last night - I was looking for a friend.
Laverne: Guess she told him.

Dr. Cox: Why didn't you stop me?
Carla: What?
Dr. Cox: Why did you let me harass that guy?
Carla: So, you think the fact that you got annoyed and became incredibly insensitive with another human being is my fault?
Dr. Cox: Yeah! Lookit, whenever I'm about to do some stupid-ass stuff, you're the one who calls me on it, and you're then damn-sure the one who makes me stop.

Carla: Maybe all that therapy has changed you?
Dr. Cox: Oh, please, I'm crazier than ever. Lookit, during this entire conversation, I've actually been imagining myself sitting on a throne between us, watching all of this.
Carla: Maybe we're just not as close as we used to be.
Dr. Cox: Maybe.
Carla: So, you're just, like, right here, watching us?
Dr. Cox: No... Other side... m'yeah... I'm... invisible to the naked eye.
Carla: 'Course.

Dr. Cox: Oh joy! I get to work on Mrs. Creeden with the Wonder Twins. Dear Lord, what in thy most Holy Name have I done to offend thee so?
Elliot: My brother Bradley and I used to always pretend that we were the Wonder Twins. He would always become "form of a dragon" and then I would wanna be a dragon too, but he said I'd be something made of water so I'd be like "shape of an ice dragon" and then he'd say I was copying him and he'd breathe on me and I'd have to melt but it was still so awesome.
Dr. Cox: That's funny, I don't recall asking for a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, re-he-heally boring story. My God barbie! Don't you understand no one cares?
Turk: I care.
Dr. Cox: Correction. No one important cares.

Dr. Kelso: Stay away from definite answers. Leave yourself some wiggle room. Say things like, "We'll do what we can," or "We'll get back to you on that," or "Hell I don't know."
J.D.: Couldn't think of a third one sir?
Dr. Kelso: That was the third one. Ass face.

Dr. Cox: What's up Laverne?
Laverne: This Friday, my church group's doing a production of "Rent", if you wanna go.
Dr. Cox: Yeah... what's up that doesn't make me wanna shoot myself?

Hey chum, what do you say? Listen, I just wanted to tell you not to worry about getting that silly CAT scan on Mrs. Creeden, cause it turns out I'm just gonna rip her stitches open, jam my head in there and have a look around in there for myself. Damnit, when I tell you to do something, you sure as hell better get it done.

Dr. Cox

Todd: T-Dog, that was big of you to cover for Elliot. You know, I had a good mind to spank her yesterday.
Turk: What, she screw up with one of your patients, too?
Todd: No.

Well, hell, Barbie... look at me. It's not like I've always been the centered, well-adjusted guy-smiley you see walking up and down the halls of this dump.

Dr. Cox

Janitor: Yeah, there's been some break-ins, I had to change all the locks on these lockers. You should have gotten your new combination in the mail.
J.D.: Well, I didn't. Do you know what it is?
Janitor: Yeah.
J.D.: But you're not gonna tell me, are you.
Janitor: Can't. Janitor-locker confidentiality.

Elliot: What the hell, Turk!
Dr. Cox: Ohhh, good, Barbie! Now really access the anger!
Elliot: How could you do that to me?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, honestly. How could you?
Turk: Okay, I just wanted to protect you - give you a little break.
Dr. Cox: The old "I'm trying to help you" gambit? Barbie, see through that. Yo' kick him! Yo' kick him right now!
Turk: Elliot...
Dr. Cox: "I'm sorry!"

Scrubs Season 2 Quotes

J.D.: Yeah. You know what's weird, though? It's like, Dr. Cox and I are pretty vegan-kosher.
Turk: He hasn't yelled at you?
J.D.: No.
Turk: This is the guy that screamed on you for like twenty minutes for dropping a thermometer? And he hasn't raised his voice once about you bumping uglies with his ex-wife?
J.D.: Mm-mm.
Turk: I don't get that guy

J.D. [to Cox]: you won't admit this, but you're in love with Carla.
Carla: No, he's not.
Dr. Cox: Actually, I am.
Carla: You're starting again.
J.D.: And Carla, you're mad that Turk didn't trust you enough to tell you.
Turk: See? Trust, woman, trust!
J.D.: Whatever. The point is that Turk is sorry.
Turk: Not anymore!
Carla: I can't believe you thought he was a threat.
Dr. Cox: I'm a threat!
Carla: You're not in love with me, you idealize me.
J.D.: Can we just try and stay focused...
Turk: You're mad 'cause I'm scared of losing you?
Carla: Yes, because we're stronger than that!
Dr. Cox: Apparently not!