J.D.: What?
Jamie: J.D., I really wanted tonight to be romantic.
J.D.: Sweetie, it is! Now, exactly how much feeling am I supposed to lose in my extremities?
Jamie: Just enough so it still hurts.

Elliot: This is exactly like the dress I bought! Huh!
J.D.: Hm?
Elliot: Oh, I-I didn't already buy a wedding dress. I mean, I'm not even dating anybody, so that would be crazy... Whether it was half-off or not..

Dr. Cox: Okay, Mr. Westfeld, now the angioplasty went well, but here's the thing: It is on you, pardner. You gotta start watching what you eat so that we can kick this thing in the ass. Okay?
J.D.: It's on you, pardner!
Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word.

Carla: What was your mother's funeral like?
Dr. Cox: Wouldn't know - skipped it. But my aunt told my father it was very moving.

Janitor: So, anyway, you said you liked mine, and I had the wife whip you up a pair of your own! You like 'em?
J.D.: Do I like 'em? Why, just the other day, I was asking myself, "How can I display my package in a way that's both alluring and professional?"
Janitor: Well, there's your answer!
J.D.: Ugh.
Janitor: HAH-HAH-HAH! Ahhh! To be young and in shorts!

Elliot: You wanna know why things with Jamie are so 'lamey'?
J.D.: We're doing fine!
Elliot: Oh, please! She's clearing you out of her apartment!
J.D.: Wrong! She just came by because she knows today at work, I need my... squash goggles.
Elliot: Mm.
J.D.: I have to saw something later.

Elliot: She's a drama queen, J.D.! When her husband was in a coma, it was all, like, taboo and exciting; but now that it's okay for the two of you to be together, the relationship's got no snap... it's got no crackle. J.D... It's got no pop. I know! Because I'm a drama queen, too!
J.D.: Well, Jamie is not like you, okay?
Elliot: No Pop!

Ted: See, Dr. Cox, this is, uh, the sort of hostile behavior that can cause us legal difficulty.
Dr. Cox: Ted! I just might rip that tie off your neck and jam it down your esophagus.
Ted: I think you proved at Nurse Roberts' above-ground pool party that that doesn't solve anything.

Dr. Kelso: Dammit, Perry! You can't just go around brow-beating nut-jobs and bullying fatties!
Dr. Cox: Well, I'm not a resident, so I'm not going to your lame-ass doctor-patient seminar... So, in essence, there, Big Bob, there's really nothing you can do to me at all, is there?

Carla: I know she was... old. Still, she was my best friend. I mean, what are you supposed to do without your mom?
Turk: You can let your man fill a little bit of the hole that she left.
Carla: She would like that.
Turk: Baby, she hated me.
Carla: Yeah, she did.

Janitor: Anyway, what's the deal? We're supposed to be shorts buddies today. You saw the schedule: Monday-Tuesday, shorts; Wednesday, we wash 'em; Thursday-Friday, shorts; weekend, optional - I'll be wearing shorts.

J.D.: This burger's really meaty. I'm serious - you can really taste all the meat.
Jamie: Yeah, you know, I'm actually gonna go put my sweats on.
J.D.: You're already wearing sweats.

Scrubs Season 2 Quotes

Dr. Cox: Look, Carla, if you're gonna survive in medicine, you've got to accept the fact that rules are rules. Hey! Anyone from that clinical trial around? Hello? Hello?... Yeah, this lady's supposed to be in this trial.
Orderly: Okay.
Carla: What the hell did you just do?
Dr. Cox: When you speak of this - and I know you will - could I be shirtless? See, I think it would be more impressive if I was shirtless.

Julie: Why does it have to be like this every time I come here? I mean, what is your problem with me?
Dr. Cox: Okay. Well, for starters, everyone here knows that you sell pills, and yet you use phrases like "take orally" and "increases blood flow" way, way too much. I mean, jeepers, Julie, don't you understand you got half the doctors on this staff believing that if they go ahead and join team Plomox, that they got an outside shot of you showing them the cotton inside your bottle? Would you like to know the real dirty, dirty little secret? It's that your drug is so damn good that you guys went ahead and put a six-hundred percent mark-up on it. But, hey, the only ones who get hurt are the sick people, right? And since your company damn-sure doesn't care about them, and you're part of the system, that just means you don't care, either. And that's... pretty much what's making me sick; that's all.
Julie: Well, you can say what you want, Perry. But we both know that you'd love nothing more than to smack this fine ass.