J.D.: What?
Jamie: J.D., I really wanted tonight to be romantic.
J.D.: Sweetie, it is! Now, exactly how much feeling am I supposed to lose in my extremities?
Jamie: Just enough so it still hurts.

Elliot: This is exactly like the dress I bought! Huh!
J.D.: Hm?
Elliot: Oh, I-I didn't already buy a wedding dress. I mean, I'm not even dating anybody, so that would be crazy... Whether it was half-off or not..

Dr. Cox: Okay, Mr. Westfeld, now the angioplasty went well, but here's the thing: It is on you, pardner. You gotta start watching what you eat so that we can kick this thing in the ass. Okay?
J.D.: It's on you, pardner!
Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word.

Carla: What was your mother's funeral like?
Dr. Cox: Wouldn't know - skipped it. But my aunt told my father it was very moving.

Janitor: So, anyway, you said you liked mine, and I had the wife whip you up a pair of your own! You like 'em?
J.D.: Do I like 'em? Why, just the other day, I was asking myself, "How can I display my package in a way that's both alluring and professional?"
Janitor: Well, there's your answer!
J.D.: Ugh.
Janitor: HAH-HAH-HAH! Ahhh! To be young and in shorts!

Elliot: You wanna know why things with Jamie are so 'lamey'?
J.D.: We're doing fine!
Elliot: Oh, please! She's clearing you out of her apartment!
J.D.: Wrong! She just came by because she knows today at work, I need my... squash goggles.
Elliot: Mm.
J.D.: I have to saw something later.

Elliot: She's a drama queen, J.D.! When her husband was in a coma, it was all, like, taboo and exciting; but now that it's okay for the two of you to be together, the relationship's got no snap... it's got no crackle. J.D... It's got no pop. I know! Because I'm a drama queen, too!
J.D.: Well, Jamie is not like you, okay?
Elliot: No Pop!

Ted: See, Dr. Cox, this is, uh, the sort of hostile behavior that can cause us legal difficulty.
Dr. Cox: Ted! I just might rip that tie off your neck and jam it down your esophagus.
Ted: I think you proved at Nurse Roberts' above-ground pool party that that doesn't solve anything.

Dr. Kelso: Dammit, Perry! You can't just go around brow-beating nut-jobs and bullying fatties!
Dr. Cox: Well, I'm not a resident, so I'm not going to your lame-ass doctor-patient seminar... So, in essence, there, Big Bob, there's really nothing you can do to me at all, is there?

Carla: I know she was... old. Still, she was my best friend. I mean, what are you supposed to do without your mom?
Turk: You can let your man fill a little bit of the hole that she left.
Carla: She would like that.
Turk: Baby, she hated me.
Carla: Yeah, she did.

Janitor: Anyway, what's the deal? We're supposed to be shorts buddies today. You saw the schedule: Monday-Tuesday, shorts; Wednesday, we wash 'em; Thursday-Friday, shorts; weekend, optional - I'll be wearing shorts.

J.D.: This burger's really meaty. I'm serious - you can really taste all the meat.
Jamie: Yeah, you know, I'm actually gonna go put my sweats on.
J.D.: You're already wearing sweats.

Scrubs Season 2 Quotes

So, you caught sight of the Janitor's window crank, and think you may have seen a little melanoma on there? Hmm! Well, then, it's your obligation as a doctor and your privilege as a woman to go back and ask him if you can't see it one more time. Now, 'course I'd love to help, but I'm off to babysit the only other being on God's green earth who's needier than you.

Dr. Cox

Dr Cox: Now, listen, you tell or else!
Elliot: Or else what? You'll treat me worse than you usually do? Here's the inside scoop, Perry: For the first time, I have leverage. You're familiar with leverage, right? It's what you're going to need when you disimpact Mr. Burnett - who, by the way, is so locked up, I'm guessing he's been eating either gum, rubber cement, or cork.
Dr. Cox: Look. Barbie.
Elliot: Yeah... that's not my name.
Dr. Cox: Fine... Dr...Reid? Really?
Elliot: What?
Dr. Cox: Nothing.