J.D.: Janitor. What's that smell?
Janitor: I don't know. Although, it smells a little bit like... the truth!
J.D.: Augh!
Janitor: My poor wife slaved over these!
J.D.: She just cut off a pair of scrubs and hemmed the bottom. What's the big deal?
Janitor: What's the big deal? Well, the Good Lord didn't bless my wife with all ten fingers. She's only got pointer... and... thumb-pinkie.

Turk: Baby, you don't want to do this.
Carla: What?
Turk: Look, since your mother passed, you probably been feeling lonely, and like you don't have any family. But I'm your family now - whether we do it like this, or we wait and do it like you've always wanted to. Don't you think?
Dr. Cox: Holy cow, talk about your gigantic time-wasters.

J.D.: Look, uh... Janitor.. I'm gonna be straight with you: I saw your penis, and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
J.D.: Last night, when you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
J.D.: Oh, I was outside, in the bushes.
Janitor: Uhhh...
J.D.: Look, it was just a coincidence, man - I mean, i-i-if you had looked out the window, you'd have seen my penis, you know!
Janitor: What!?! Why?
J.D.: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours!

Turk: Sorta had a sex dream about you.
Elliot: Really?
Turk: Yeah.
Elliot: Was I the girl?
Turk: Yeah, you were the girl!

J.D.: Excuse me, Jamie?
Jamie: J.D.? What?
J.D.: I treated a patient today who was mad at his brother for presuming to know what's best for him... and that got me thinking. Because I was freaking out that we hooked up in the closet at the funeral, I did the same thing to you! So... if you're really ready, let's go for it! Cause... I'm crazy about you, and you're right - your husband is gone and he's never coming back!
Man at Table: Um...
J.D.: Who are these lovely people?
Jamie: These are my late husband's parents.

So, you caught sight of the Janitor's window crank, and think you may have seen a little melanoma on there? Hmm! Well, then, it's your obligation as a doctor and your privilege as a woman to go back and ask him if you can't see it one more time. Now, 'course I'd love to help, but I'm off to babysit the only other being on God's green earth who's needier than you.

Dr. Cox

Jordan: At least when Gustav promises me an hour of pleasure he's not standing in the shower five minutes later thinking he rocked my world.
Dr. Cox: So not Gustav! Busy doctor!

Jordan: I can't believe you're bitching 'cause I asked you to look after him for an hour three days a week! Do you know how badly I need a massage?
Dr. Cox: What's the matter? Are you getting all sore around that hump above your butt where your tail used to be?

Dr. Cox: Newbie, I know that your ovaries are absolutely tingling at the very sight of this little fella, but you gotta snap out of it!
J.D.: Oh, I gotta get to that funeral.
Dr. Cox: Well, raise my rent if you're not off to see Tasty Coma Wife, aren't you! Her husband was in a coma so long, that she actually forgot what an attractive male looked like - enter Errol Flynn... whose conscience will not allow him to either swash or buckle her. But, since hubby is now worm food, I'm guessing all bets are off? Mm-hmm?
Jordan: Listen, later on, if you have trouble getting the baby to sleep? Just tell him that story. Yeah.

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